I’m not trying to do a “Seinfeld” here, but what is the deal with these guys anyway? They keep popping up in all of the worst places. Places that I don’t think warrant the need for them in the first place. Just because you are a bar called, “Martini Park” does NOT mean that you should put a dude in the bathroom whom I have to acknowledge right before I’m unzipping my fly. Bathrooms are pretty commonplace in these here United States. I can’t imagine there are too many people who walk in and start screaming because the concept is foreign to them and they aren’t sure what to do next. I was taught well as a child – do your business, wash your hands, dry ‘em, leave. Pretty sure most everyone gets it by now. And those that don’t? Well, you aren’t going to find them in Martini Park, or anywhere else I’m going to the bathroom in the first place. (ie. I’ve never once visited the restroom of a “Super-Taco Burrito King.” Ever.)

Honestly – I think it’s just the concept of tipping that I don’t like. Maybe if I didn’t feel the need to reach in, and pull out a $1 – much less the stress of trying to remember if I have any singles while I’m trying to piss – each time I visit the bathroom, it wouldn’t be so bad. But it’s always so prevalent “Money Goes Here” and “I Live off Tips” and “Mighty Fine Weather We’ve Been Havin’” All over the place.

And don’t try to tell me the $1 pays for the breath mint. If that’s the case, I’ll just make sure to pack Altoids with me.

So the question remains. Where did the concept come from? And, as a follow-up, Why are they in ever-increasing lower and lower class establishments? What purpose does it serve to add that dude to my pissing experience? For God’s sake, I don’t even talk to my buddies if we happen to be in the bathroom at the same time.

Answers please.

When you convert from a standard bucket mop to a swiffer with a plastic bottle and disposeable cloths. Be sure to recycle that plastic bottle.