Can we stop pretending that the President of the United States is just a regular guy? Can we just accept that the President is actually the President? Of the United States? Can we do that?

The President told CNN’s John King that the First Family will

“stand in line like everybody else” for the flu shot.

You know what Mr. President? Don’t stand in line. Go right to the front of the line and get it. You know why? Because you’re the friggin’ President of the United States. The notion that the president is just one of us needs to go away. The people that actually liked President Bush, loved that he came off like just a regular guy. I guess in his case, he was just a regular guy. Most presidents aren’t regular guys. President Obama is not a regular guy. He’s the leader of the U.S.A., the country that still determines the geopolitical and economic agenda for the rest of the world. He’s actually really important.

I don’t want you getting the flu, Mr. President. I want you healthy. Because we’re in a mess and you need to be healthy so you can govern and fix things. And you’ve already got a helicopter that takes you right to your airplane, in which you fly so you don’t have to wait at airports, and you’re followed by about 275 security guys and millions of dollars in security gear and guns – because you’re the President. So can we all just stop wanting the president to be a regular guy so he can stop doing the just-one-of-us shtick and get his damn flu shot?

After watching Britian’s Got Talent singer, 12-year-old Shaheen Jafargholi, perform at the Michael Jackson memorial, I thought to myself (and posted to facebook because… that’s my addiction), “I want my own white boy.”

But then I read about Rupert Grint and his bold battle with Swine Flu. Swine Flu?! Get the f out of here. I will now amend my previous statement: I want my own British white boy.

Apparently, they’re hearty.

And YOU thought we were over with the Swine Flu, eh? Well, WHO says you’re wrong, AND CNN agrees!

And when did Roger Daltrey become the end-all, be-all of pandemics?

the swine flu Influenza H1N1-A strain of the flu? I thought this was going to cut the world’s population by 15%. Remembering back to CNN/MSNBC/FOXNEWS/Sun-Times Headlines – the fact that I was still walking away was a miracle enough.

Do you think the drug companies are super-pissed we aren’t still talking about it? And what about all those face-mask companies? They surely are pissed.

Just wonderin’.

I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, but apparently a major world health organization is a frequent reader of Schadenfreude.net. I’m not saying who, but just trust me on this one. 

The good news is that they’ve listened to us, and are finding it necessary to change the name of swine flu.

The bad news is they’ve made a lateral movement, addressing neither the concerns of the unconcerned nor the panicked, as I mentioned in a short piece earlier on Schadenfreude.net. Henceforth, swine flu will be referred to as H1N1 influenza A. 

That sucks. Thanks a lot major world health organization.

I still don’t care, and now no one will bother to even say it. NO ONE is going to say that whole name. I think one my readers, Fred Mowery, and I had some good ideas in my earlier post. Check those out, major world health organization  (still trying not to gloat).

Swine Flu Addendum

Here it is: The flu Gods also listened to what I was saying, and have struck me down with a fever and chills for the past two days (I wrote this originally about two days ago). Note to self, don’t ever make fun of a major disease. I’m going to bed now. At 5:10 p.m. I’m going to sleep. And though I’m going to sleep in our room with the door shut, my wife is going to lie to our 2-year-old son and tell him I’m not home tonight, so he doesn’t want to play with me and thus possibly get sick. He is gonna be pi-issed when he reads this 13 years from now.

Flu is unpleasant for sure, and yes it sometimes kills people. But I think one of the biggest problems concerning the flu is the inappropriate response to it. People seem to go one of two ways on this. They either freak out, buy duct tape and stay inside the house for a week, or they do what I do – which is not pay any attention at all, and in my case if someone sneezes I simply, politely say “swine flu? Stop touching me please.”

I don’t think either of these reactions is responsible. I think the flu has an image problem. As for the people that have been freaking out over the past week, I would be pissed off if I were the regular old flu. I’d be like, “bitch, I killed 36,000 people in the US last year and you’re freaking out over 150 people in Mexico?’ The regular flu kills more people every year than Mexican drug dealers. On the other end of the spectrum, there are people like me. I just can’t be concerned with an illness called the swine flu. It’s just doesn’t sound like something to worry about. And the bird flu was even worse. And by worse I mean less scary. Bird flu. Bird flu? Really? Bird flu. That doesn’t prompt me to take any action at all, except to change the channel from CNN to a Seinfeld rerun, or worse, Frasier. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to go hug a Mexican right now – and I might, in normal times – but I’m also not going to run from one either.

If you want to get our attention, how about a more threatening name – like Lung Collapser. “Oh – you have Lung Collapser? I’m surprised there’s any oxygen left in your body at all.” Or maybe “The Inside-all-over-body-destroyer.” Try ignoring that. What if you heard Anderson Cooper say “150 people reportedly have died of throat-collapsing, lung-drowning hot-poop shooter syndrome in Mexico city…” You’d put down your cocktail long enough to think about that.

For when the Right-Wing (led by your buddy and mine, Rush) actually come out and say that putting up a big wall between the US and Mexico is the only thing that could have prevented the spread of swine flu?

I’m just curious. You know it’s gonna happen. He’s writing the tirade right now.

I saw Outbreak. Pretty good movie with a pretty hot Rene Russo. If the CDC and the WHO paid any attention to Hollywood – you would find that this is waaaaay easier than everyone is making it out to be.

Allow me to explain.

The way I understand it, the US Government was doing some testing on biological weapons that ended up wiping out a small Mexican village – one where pig farming was an industry. The weapon wiped out the human population, however, pigs have snouts, so they were unaffected.

THEN – some hapless farmer stumbled upon the pigs, and needing a quick score to get his daughter out of hock (sp?) – sold the pigs to a Californian looking to invest in pork bellies, but not really understanding the whole process. He smuggled them through customs through a friend from college that owed him a favor for stealing his lady (they now live in despair, and the girl regrets every day the decision she made all those years ago…). On his way to the farm, he got bit by the pig. That pig was then given to a farmer to raise, while the investment banker got sick.

Let’s just find the investment banker, realize the strain has gone airborne, locate the wild pig, draw it’s blood and save Rene Russo before Dustin Hoffman dies and Carl Weathers Cuba Gooding, Jr. is left to make friends with General Freeman!

C’mon people – get the lead out.

What was Air Force 2 doing flying around the Statue of Liberty? I’ve been traveling, and all I’ve got are headlines and pictures of people running in the streets because Air Force 2, along with a couple F-16s, were flying around Ground Zero and the Statue of Liberty.

It seems to me that no one still has answers as to the who, what, where and why. Whatever happened to investigative journalism? I understand print is dead, but with all the cable news channels, you would think ONE of them would ask those basic questions, and, not be satisfied with the “Ummm… I don’t know.” kinda answers.

I think it was a diversion. I’ve seen DAVE a few times – and each of those times, there’s a big public display to distract the public from what was really going on. And that’s what needed to happen here. The Prez wasn’t where he was supposed to be, so they ‘authorized’ the pilots to go on a little joyride so the real Prez could be where he needed to. It has something to do with the fact that the guy who shook Obama’s hand in Mexico died 24 hours later. Real Prez has a mutant strain of the Swine Flu – and so Fake Prez had to take his place.

You heard it here first. That’s not really Obama. It’s Fake Obama.

Got a better idea? Best one wins… this Coke Zero bottlecap to add to their “My Coke Rewards”*
*=does not include shipping