But, apparently, they REALLY are making a sequel to “Wall Street” – is that really necessary?

REALLY?

Shia? I know you’re pissed that you are now Sam Witwicky, and people said the CG robots out-acted you… But c’mon.

And Michael Douglas. You should be ASHAMED of yourself. Simply ASHAMED. And you look old. Real Old. Like you should be thinking of playing Father Time in “Disney on Ice” kinda old.

This can’t be a real, pivotal character in Transformers 2, or else, I will cry – and my anger will burn with the intensity of a 1000 suns. “Ejector”. A GD toaster?!

To say I’m excited for Transformers 2 is an understatement. I love, and will henceforth go on record as saying so, that I thoroughly, undoubtedly, and always will, love the first one. I just do. It’s got big robots, big explosions, some “America, rah rah rah” moments – and most of all, Shia LeBouf. Who can’t get enough of that kid?

Ok, maybe not the Shia part, but seeing Optimus rolling down the street on the big screen was one of those moments in movies where I go, “Whoa.” Like that moment when you first, FIRST, see the T-Rex in Jurassic Park. Remember that moment? That was like, the best moment EVER to be a fan of movies.

Anywhoo – I love Transformers. HOWEVER – when I see that Bay put in a transforming toaster…? That’s when I start getting a little mad. Who knows, maybe it’s like the XBOX transformer at the end of the first movie… It’s a little snippet, side thing or something.

But if it’s real… By God, I will storm the gates of Hollywood.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull sucks. Yes, I tried to deny it, and I don’t feel bad for having liked it so much because I was seeing it Wednesday at Midnight and Thursday at 1pm. Completely swept up in the opening weekend. I liked it better the second time, both times seeing it with people I was excited to share the experience with. But last night my Boss and L.A. Ray and Tommy P’s sister all went to go see it. I was game, after all, I liked it. But now divorced of the opening weekend hype, yeah, it’s pretty bad. But in the end I never regret creating impossible expectations, that’s the fun of Summer. In the end I watched the first three Indiana Jones movies about four or five times a piece (thank you ipod nano video), and don’t regret it for a second. I love all that opening weekend hype. But yeah, it’s all digital and greenscreen, it’s a cartoon. There’s a parts I still love, but there was no denying it last night. “Wow, this movie’s really bad.”

Sorry I would’ve published this earlier, but I was watching Indiana Jones…again, with another friend. So there’s my review, I got up this morning after seeing Indiana Jones at midnight and saw it again. It is SO great to see Indiana Jones do anything, and he does a lot in this one. In my farthest dreams I never thought it would work out that there would even be another Indiana Jones, much less that I would be back in Chicago and seeing it with the whole Phantom Menace crew. But the big news isn’t just that there’s a sequel to my favorite movie of all time, the big news is that I killed at the movie last night. I kept the back row of the AMC 21 laughing quite a bit, but because it’s a spoiler laden rant. Meet me after the jump, and if you haven’t seen it, don’t read this. I enjoyed this movie much more than people who had read the plot beforehand. So, here’s the big spoiler, again, if you haven’t seen the movie, abort mission. 

***The Crystal Skull is an Incan Artifact, the Incans, it turns out, were visited by aliens thousands of years ago, at the end of the movie some very alien stuff happens***

People were really shocked that Indiana Jones dipped that far into sci-fi, and the audience was that sort of Phantom Menace oddly silent. I think just like with Star Wars, people forget exactly what the first three movies were. So to break the tension and defend every bold choice in the movie I stand up and start ranting:

Aliens!? You’ve got to be kidding me. ALIENS! In a SPIELBERG movie!? That’s where I draw the line. Now he’s out of control. Aliens have no place in an Indiana Jones movie! Sure I’ll accept the power of God sending ghosts out of a golden casket and melting the faces of an army, sure I’ll accept Mola Ram pulling the beating heart out of a man, or a 1,000 drop from a plane in a lifeboat, sure I’ll take a 2,000 year old Templar Knight with eternal life by drinking out of the cup of Christ, but ALIENS? Fuck that! How could Steven Spielberg forget his roots, why doesn’t he go back to Raiders, and the movie he made before that and the movie he made after that. ALIENS? ALIENS?!! From the director of Schindler’s List!! And I don’t even WANT to talk about how far George Lucas has come from his roots.

I got a lot of laughs from people that didn’t know how to put this movie in perspective and hopefully sent them out enjoying it as much as I did. Problems? Oh, yes, it has problems, but rent 20,000 BC again if you want to see a flawless masterpiece. Oh, and then after all that and a lot of laughs from the people around me. We all watched the credits play out to the end and I threw in. 

Indiana Jones, I want to talk to you about the Avengers project. 

More laughs. That’s my time, try the combo meal, you save a $1.