Elton John Performed at Rush Limbaugh’s Fourth Wedding.

In other news, Israeli president Shimon Peres will ever so slowly suck on a pork sausage for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, while the Iranian president gently bites his own lower lip, and, closer to home, a Cubs fan named Mike will cuddle with and console a Sox fan, Jack, for his team being as bad as the Cubs. Mike will probably also feed Jack ice cream with a spoon.

Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer here with some not so good news.  Over the weekend, I decided that I needed to get back into Sadie’s good graces and offered to do some yard work.  I must have really been in the dog house, ’cause she told me that I needed to clean the gutters out.  Now, I’m no slouch, but gutter cleaning is beneath me.  That’s what you hire someone for.  Then Sadie had to remind me that we’re close to broke because of the vacation money that became bail money from the tea party fiasco.   She also had a good point – I probably hadn’t cleaned those gutters out in three years.  They were sagging quite a bit, and one over the garage looked like it was about to come off.  I caught Meet the Press, and after Sadie drove off to Giant Eagle for more ramen noodles I fooled around on the Internet some.  I found a neat article that gave a good definition of God – did you know He has a symbol?  Like Batman!  Around 12:30, I realized I had to get those gutters cleaned before the Browns game started.

Sure enough, just before I headed out, our dog Bernie Kosar starts yapping and whining to go outside.  We don’t have a fenced in yard, and I only had 20 minutes before kickoff, so a walk to the park was out.  But I also didn’t want him crapping all over the house.  I put his leash on him and took him out with me.  I grabbed the ladder from the garage, and leaned it up against the front of the house, when inspiration struck: I weigh about 150 lbs more than Bernie Kosar, and the ladder with me on it weighs more than that.  So I wrapped his leash around the bottom good and tight and climbed up.  I didn’t bring a shovel or anything, so I just started scooping the old crud out with my hand, while Bernie Kosar looked up at me:

Now, I’ll say this about Bernie Kosar…he’s a good dog, but a tad impulsive.  I was almost done with the front gutter when I heard Sadie pulling back into the drive way.  Bernie Kosar likes me, but he LOVES Sadie, and he bounded off to see her.  Unfortunately, his leash was still tied to the ladder, which he pulled right from under me.  I hung onto the gutter for a second before it gave way and I crashed down and screwed up my shoulder.  At first I thought I’d tough it out, but when I couldn’t move my right arm I figured it was screwed up good.  I came around to the garage and there was Sadie with this pissed off look on her face.  Then I saw Bernie Kosar standing next to her, and the ladder next to him.

So I went to the emergency room.  Sadie dropped me off out front then drove off without coming in with me.  She didn’t even ask me what I wanted for dinner.  I went to the desk and signed in, and gave them Sadie’s insurance card.  Now, I thought with a busted wing and all they’d get me in to see a doc right away, but they told me I could have an ice pack and to wait.  I grabbed a seat in the waiting room and caught the end of the Browns game…shit, lost again.  So you know how Obama wants to make us all have socialized medicine?   One of the things I keep hearing on the radio is that the waiting time to see a doctor would be long if Health Care “Reform” passes.  I waited only 6 hours…you know if that crap passes, it’ll be days on end and people will die right there in the waiting room.  I actually got up and checked in at the nurse desk a couple of times to ask what the hold up is – there was only one old lady waiting with me, and I think she worked there.   They told me my insurance was still being run on account Sadie and I have different last names (don’t ask).  Finally, I got to see the doc.  After a couple of x-rays, he told me my shoulder was separated and that I had to stay away from work for a week.

Except…I don’t get paid sick days at Wal-Mart, so I ended up losing a week of pay.  That, and the co-payment for the emergency room visit is like $1000.  So here’s the deal…we’re in a tight spot.  Sadie’s teacher salary isn’t enough to cover all our bills and that extra pinch.  Tuckpointing work has been a little scarce, and I sure as hell ain’t going back to Richie to beg for my old job back.  So…I’m looking for donations.  Preferably from conservatives.  You know, to help a fellow brother out?  Maybe if I write a letter to Rush he’ll send me some of that scratch he’s making.  I’m sure that whole mess at the hospital wouldn’t have happened if we’d just let the market decide health care, but who knows when that’ll happen.   So please…just a little something helps.

Till then, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.

For when the Right-Wing (led by your buddy and mine, Rush) actually come out and say that putting up a big wall between the US and Mexico is the only thing that could have prevented the spread of swine flu?

I’m just curious. You know it’s gonna happen. He’s writing the tirade right now.

So I’m perusing Netflix and out of some documentary I was looking up I got suggested Uncovered: The Truth About The Iraq War which I’ve seen. It’s astounding. I guess to be fair, I should say it’s biased, but that word is so devoid of meaning in 2007, the charge of bias has fallen victim of too many truly biased individuals, but that’s not my point here. Below it, I read this review.

If you want to piss off a liberal, then defend America. Gee, another Iraq war documentary criticizing the Bush administration, and telling us the same old same old! What a surprise. These documentaries are so eager to say Bush lied, but what about these experts? Can these film makers say with 100% certianty that they are not lieing in their interviews? Why should we believe these experts any more than Bush? (extra points for that sentence, yes MP, why should we believe experts over non-experts?)They have their own agendas as well. It’s hard enough to trust government these days, but I sure as hell are not going to trust some America hating liberal for any factual info. Why do you liberals hate America anyway? There are literally over 230 recognized nations on this beloved planet that you all can choose to live. Why do you stay here in America if you all are so hateful of this land? Hell, the US dollar could go quite far in some countries, you liberals could live as kings and queens. This is a serious question. Why do you liberals hate America so much? Go live somewhere else so you can hate some other country for a while. Damn liberals!
(2 people found this review helpful.)

MP obviously saw a different film than I did, I remember 90 minutes of talking heads of 20 career CIA and Intelligence analysts weighing in on how the Iraq intelligence was used, but that’s not the point here.

There’s a little button on Netflix that allows me to see other reviews by MP in Henderson, NV so I did…

Okay, so MP didn’t like Uncovered because it was made by a bunch of America haters, hey I’m with him on that, I don’t like America haters either and when I finally meet one after all this buildup he/she’s going to get an earful.

So when you click on “more reviews” from MP there are only Nine reviews, Seven of them are published in order below. Hilariously the first thing that comes up is the EARLIER edition of Uncovered. I guess both are available on Netflix, but he has a different review.

Uncovered: The Truth About The Iraq War

You people should be ashamed of yourselves! Have you movie raters ever noticed that you push the ‘not helpful’ button on the people who write poor reviews. (that’s the point isn’t it?) So, they disagree with you. BFD! You all must be a bunch of pathetic Hillary-loving liberals who hate people who disagree with any thing you stand for. I hope your next sh*t is square. This movie was, as usual, biased like every other documenatry regarding the Iraq war. I would love to find a documentary on the Iraq war that is truely a documentary, rather than a one-sided lecture! Im sure you all will put ‘not helpful’ because I disagree with you all. Don’t care! Damn liberals.
(17 people found this review helpful.)(that’s funny.)

Fahrenheit 9/11

I am pleased this film got a horrible review. I could of sworn all the stupid liberals would have acknowledged this piece of cockroach dropping as one of the greatest films in cinema. Fortunantely, I stand corrected. Michael Moore is a very angry person (that’s funny), and has an array of personality disorders. Unfortunately, he feels he needs to spread his anger to the rest of us who don’t give a crap about him. This film was not a documentary. A documentary tells both sides, and is objective with both sides. As usual, Mr. Moore tells one side, and is extremely subjective and slanted. What a jackass! It’s too bad we can’t tie Michael Moore to one of our bombs, so he can see first hand what war is about, and we sometimes it’s nescessary. Turd head!
(3 people found this review helpful.)

After the phrase Turd head, I should prove that this is real.

Pretty Baby

I just couldn’t see what the other reviewers had seen in this film. Brook Shields did not do a splendid job acting. She was horrible. I understand she was a child actor then, but she still stunk! Everyone else seems to think she did such a spendid job. She sucked! The film was a sleeper, I didnt feel it really said anything about child prostitution. I barely stayed awake through it. How could anyone like this garbage? It had no clear plot, it had no clear message, it was just a hodgepodge of different scenes thrown together with no logical sequence. There was no beginning, no middle, and no end. If they had literally started the film in the middle, had the end as the beginning, and the introduction as the end, it would of looked the same. What a piece of crap. I am going to remember this director so I make sure I never see any of his stupidity again. (it’s therefore safe to say that MP never saw Louis Malles’ My Dinner WIth Andre).
(4 people found this review helpful.)

Mulholland Drive

WOW! What a monumental piece of crap! I had to shut this off after the first hour. The movie went nowhere, and frankly, I don’t have a whole lot of patients to sit through movies that stay stagnant in their plot. I wander if the directors, producers, and actors were as bored making this film as I was watching it. (here’s where we get some valuable insight into MP)The feeling I endured in watching this movie was similar to the feeling one gets when expecting a gift in the mail. However, day after day, you check the mailbox, and its always bills and advertisements, but no gift. Then after a while, you get used to the idea that the gift will probably not be there. Likewise, I expected, scene after scene, for something interesting and plot-related to derive, but to no avail. So I settled on the idea, that after an hour, this movie will probably never have anything interesting coming. So, I turned it off. What a waste!
(1 person found this review helpful.)

World Trade Center

I must have seen a completely different movie than the other reviewers. This movie, simply put, was boring. Additionally, I do not believe this film was done in good taste. Exactly how can Hollywood dipict a dispicable and tasteless act in the name of good taste? That’s a paradox. I believe cowardly acts, especially that of 9/11, can only fairly be dipicted by a documentary genre. This film gave me the impression that Oliver Stone just wanted to finish it ASAP, so he can hold the unlaudable accomplishment of being the director who released the first major motion picture of a 9/11 related story. Ironically, he failed at his goal, as United 93 beat him to it. This film looked like Oliver Stone simply rushed through making it with the ‘ahh, that’s good enough’ menatlity. Almost 3,000 of our compatriots were hopelessly slaughtered, and the best that Oliver Stone can honor the desceased and the depicted two officers, is by making some slapshod film? I mean, I understand that Mr. Stone is a far left liberal, and usually liberals are infamously selfish and self-centered (with their civil rights movement and social security), but I didn’t know he was this insensative. Ive seen Oliver Stone’s best before (the script for Conan The Barbarian), and this film fell far short of his best. He should be ashamed of himself!
(1 person found this review helpful.)

Slumber Party Massacre II (you can’t write this shit)

The reviewers who gave this film a poor review need to unwind. When you all fart, I bet only dogs can hear it! This film did what it was suppossed to do for a horror film. It isn’t meant to be over analyised people. I doubt the director had the hopes that people would congramulate, after the movie in the theater, and break up in little study groups with Plato’s Republic in one hand and a caligraphy pen in the other for the purpose of finding a profound theme in the movie that would solve the meaning of life. Geeeze people! It was a B horror film meant to entertain, and it did. It had the blood and guts, the boobs, and a weak storyline. The criteria was met. I liked it. Stop comparing films like this with the classics. The director never claimed it to be a classic, so don’t treat it as such.

And finally…

Werewolf Woman

Wow! Ok, if you are a man, and are going to watch this then I suggest you have some lotion and a damp cloth handy. There is enough frontal nudity in this to wool a sweater. Seriously, it’s good stuff. I think there was a plot to it as well, but Im not sure.
(1 person found this review helpful.)

Personally I found all of this helpful.