Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer here trying to keep on believing in beautiful Cleveland, Ohio.  Gotta be honest, I’m feeling really let down by the House GOP.  I’m glad they repealed Obamacare right away, but the reality is unless the Senate pulls it too (yeah, right) we’re stuck till the next election cycle.  What’s worse, I don’t get why Boehner doesn’t start the impeachment hearings against the “President”.  See, I use “quotes” ’cause Obama shouldn’t even be able to hold office.  That should be enough but even Cantor said Obama’s legit.  So we’re stuck.  There’s probably some behind the scene’s stuff going on.  Remember that Obama’s the “President”, but that also means he’s The President, and he can have the Secret Service come pay you a visit.   Ask Peyton Manning.

That’s right, sports fans.  Last weekend was the  Superbowl, and this year the big game was between Green Bay and…Pittsburgh.  Hated, hated, Pittsburgh.  If there’s one thing I hate more than Obama, its the Pittsburgh Steelers.  And wouldn’t you know it, Obama LOVES the Steelers.  So much that he’s always rooting for them.  Rooting for scum bags like Harrison and the cad Roethlisberger who can’t keep his hands off the ladies.  No morals whatever, not that it matters to Steelers fans, as long as they win.  Unlike Cleveland fans, who are world class.

So of course I had to root for the Packers, but would it really matter?  You better bet ol’ Obama was going to interfere again.  He likes to interfere with big American institutions like the Free Market, the Superbowl, the Olympics…he just can’t help himself.   I’m not exactly a Green Bay fan, but I have to root against the Steelers no matter what.  Unless they’re playing the Baltimore Ravens.  Then I can only hope they destroy each other.  Burn in Hell Art Modell!

Sorry.

But as always, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel for this Conservative.  I was looking over the roster of the Packers, and found the blood of the Browns flowing through their best player!  I’m talking about Clay Matthews Jr – son of the greatest Browns D-back of all time, Clay Matthews Sr.  Check it out – he looks like Conan the Barbarian:

Even though the Browns have sucked for the past 13 years, they would have  a chance to beat the Steelers in the Super Bowl through the sire of Clay Sr.  And you know what?  The Matthews are CONSERVATIVES.  I know that because I bought a truck a few years back from the old man.  All small business owners are conservative, and that’s something you pass down to your kids.  At least, I think that’s how it works.   Sure enough, in the big game Clay Jr. forced an interception, and that was all the Pack needed to beat the Stillers.  As the clock was clicking down, I half expected that Obama would give the order to start picking off the Packers, or just implode the entire stadium so that it would at least be a No Contest.  And I’m sure he was behind some of their guys getting hurt earlier.  But the Browns/Packers wouldn’t be denied.   Even Obama can’t get away with that. So, World Champs Baby!  Sort of.  Time to start rubbing it in on the pathetic Pittspuke fans. As for Herr Dictator, better luck next year.  And stop saying the Bears are your home team.  These guys are.

I gotta run…Sadie says there’s a big sale on Power Bars at Giant Eagle.  They’ve kind of become a staple in the Tuckpointer household.  If I don’t get there soon, they’ll be picked over and I’m sick of the blueberry ones.  Till next time, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.

Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer here.  Things have been terrible lately…and if you guessed its Obama’s fault, you win the prize.  It all started while I was reading Brad the College Idiots’s latest rant and mockery of American values.   Richie called:  the “stimulus” money finally ran out, so the tuckpointing gig at the Terminal Tower is over.  Kaput.  No more tuckpointing.   I thought the  Porkulous package was supposed to create or SAVE jobs that were already there?   So the economy is still sputtering, and while it was nice to make some nice, fat tuckpointing cash for a change, Obama’s plan has failed miserably and I’m out of a job.  Again.

We’re luckier than most – Sadie’s teaching job covers most of the major bills like the mortgage and my medical debt.  Still, a man’s got to work and provide for his family, and I’m not about to switch to Pabst again.  Its either Great Lakes Beer or nothing.

Problem is, because Obama interfered with the Market, there’s no jobs for me in the Cleveland area.  Sadie tried to get me to write up a resume, but that’s stupid – I’ve never had a job that I couldn’t just fill out an application for.   That’s the way it should be: you fill out the paper, they hire you and you work for awhile, then you buy the business and you’re set.  Anyway, I went around to Home Depot, a couple of gas stations, even the golf course where my old man works…nothing.  No jobs.  Not even an interview.  Last night I was giving the bad news to Sadie, when she told me I should file for unemployment insurance.  Which is welfare.  ‘Cause Rush says so.

So here’s the pickle, if you will…if I chuck my pride and head down to the unemployment office, they’ll give me a check and I can sit at home being lazy like everyone else.  That’s the way Obama wants it to be, so that he can declare himself dictator and make me a slave.  Uh-uh.  Not going to happen.  That’s the Liberal way to go, and I’m no pussy Liberal.  Let some other douchebag plead for help – I’m a real man, and I don’t need help or anything.  We got some land in the backyard I can farm, and I bet I can teach our dog Bernie Kosar how to hunt and kill deer or something.  And I’ll put fliers in everyone’s mailbox on the street asking if they need their house tuckpointed.   ‘Cause that’s what I do and that’s who I am.  A Tuckpointer.

Listen, I gotta run.  Sadie just opened the mail and she’s pissed because I bought Browns season tickets again.   Also, I’m a couple of months behind on the F150 payments, and we need some groceries.   My buddy Don‘s heading to the unemployment office to get his check now that they’re starting up again, but…you know.  He may need some help with the paperwork.  Ol’ Don’s not too swift.  So…anyway.  Things will pick up eventually.  Till next time, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.

The White House confirmed that Obama, on his 2010 Census Form, marked the box that says “Black, African Am., or Negro.”

The United States of America's First Black, African Am., or Negro President

Click here to view the embedded video.

This post is mostly for my mother, who doesn’t have a Facebook account, and I don’t think they’ve played this on FOXNews yet…

So – before you click “Play” mom, ChatRoulette.com is this service online that randomly connects people that have webcams installed on their computers. Yup. You know, like when we “Skype” with Sheila while she’s in Delaware, and we’re at home, and we’re able to talk to her through the computer? Yeah, like that. No, you don’t know who you are going to talk to – it’s all about the “spontaneity” in life… Meeting people from around the WORLD who you could talk to and see what they’re doing. No, I wouldn’t necessarily call it successful. No, I have never done it. No, I probably won’t ever do it. Who’s mostly on it? If I had to wager I guess, it’s about 85% guys (98% of that number are guys who are… um… ok, fine, I’m a grown up. Masturbating, ok?) Then about 10% Overweight women, and the remainder… teens. Mostly teen girls.

Yes, it’s just a matter of time before some Senator does it, and gets busted for doing something illicit. No, President Obama did not start the service…. Alright. Enough – just watch the video, ok?

Click here to view the embedded video.

I’m going to be honest, I hadn’t actually thought about taking advantage of ”Obama’s Refinance Plan.” But now I just might.

Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer here.  Hope everyone had a Happy New Year, and marked 2010 as the year Obama Failed.  Sorry that I haven’t checked in for awhile, but I’ve been busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.  My new tuckpointing gig has been extended – the ol’ Terminal Tower is in rough shape, many many points that need to be tucked.

Things on the home front are going great, too.  I made up with Sadie, and she let me move back in to the house, as long as I “get my act together” and “stop drinking”, whatever that new age psychobabble feel-good nonsense means.  I think she was missing the ol’ Tuckpointer, if you know what I mean.  My dick. I meant my dick.

Been thinking…since my blog on the 5 worst presidents was so popular, why not list the 5 best?  There’s been a lot of negativity in this Tuckpointer’s life lately, but considering the recent positive turns, maybe its time to reflect on some of the great men who have lead this country.  Turns out this was a lot harder.  Its more fun to list things that piss me off, you know?

To start, I used the same method as last time: If you’ve got a ‘R’ by your name, you’re in the running.  If it’s a ‘D’, you hate freedom and have found a way to reconcile socialism communism marxism and fascism because all those things are bad.

5.  Abraham Lincoln.  He was a war president, which is always a plus. He preserved the Union and freed  the slaves, which I have a problem with. I don’t support slavery, but Lincoln should have let the Market decide when slavery was going away. It may have taken another 100 years or so, but it would have spare countless lives, and more importantly, the free market system.  The Market always makes the right call, even if that call is to get bailed out by a massive government subsidy.

4.  Herbert Hoover.  Everyone tells you that the Great Depression happened on his watch.  Point taken.  But he had the balls to do NOTHING.  No government intervention.  You hear that, B. Hussein Obama Bin Laden Hitler Pol Pot?  He was going to let the Market correct itself, but we got too antsy and now we’ll never know. He stuck to his principles, and that takes guts when people are living in carboard towns named after you.  I think the vacuum cleaner is named after him, and how many people has that helped?  Lots.

3.  Richard Nixon.   “Watergate” was liberal scam.  Nixon was on his way to winning the Vietnam War, but the commie Washingon Post decided it couldn’t let a Republican do anything good.  Which means all those guys killed afterward are on Bernstein and Woodward’s heads.  The best thing Nixon did was open up relations with Red China.  Go around your house and pick something up.  What does it say?  MADE IN CHINA.  All those cost savings you have are because of Chinese labor, and you can thank Dick Nixon for them.  How’s that IPhone sound now, hippies?

2.  George W. Bush.   My email alerts frm the Cuyahoga GOP say to never speak his name aloud, but screw that.  Unlike the cowards Clinton and Obama, ‘W’ made up for not going to Vietnam by starting a war.  From his humble beginnings as a poor cowboy roaming the range, he turned statesman, and lead the country through its darkest hour of terrorism and social security regulations.  He finished off Sadaam Hussein, the greatest evil to ever walk the earth, moments before he attacked.   Freedom exists today because of George W. Bush.

1.  Ronald Reagan.  Indestructable.  Shot and lived to tell the tale.  Everything good that has ever happened to me is because of Ronald Reagan.   He single handedly beat the Soviets, the Libyans, and the Iranians.  I keep his picture on the dashboard of my F50.  When the times are bad, I sometimes ask ol’ Ronnie for a little boost to get me through, and when times are lonely, I touch myself to his picture.  When he died, you know the first thing they did, when he got to Heaven, was to elect him President there.

So that’s it.  What do you think?  I didn’t put Washington in becuase he technically didn’t belong to any party, but you all know he was a conservative because he was a Christian   Well, its off to work early then over to Cleveland Browns Stadium for the annual “Wait Till Next Year” party.  Till next time, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.