[image via RobSog]

**BREAKING**
The Supreme Court of New York has ruled in favor of a disheveled and geeky young actor wearing an ironic T under a hoodie, who claims “I was Michael Cera first.”

Jesse Eisenberg, 25, star of the film “Adventureland,” displayed his signature bad posture and said something witty without any inflection when the verdict was read. A handful of pregnant teen-aged girls sporting pony tails and Converse low tops rolled their eyes with delight in the back of the court room.

Eisenberg asked the court to recognize that in the 2005 film “Cursed,” he played a bumbling nerd with touseled tresses who, after being attacked by a werewolf, develops self-confidence, a wrestling prowess, and hair product. When the title curse is lifted, he goes back to being a lanky loser — but gets the girl.

“Then Michael Cera comes along, and is in a few slightly more successful movies playing basically me,” Eisenberg stammered for a small audience on the steps of the courthouse. “Michael Cera, Michael Cera … Everybody loves Michael Cera. Say the name Jesse Eisenberg and people are like, ‘Is he that weird guy in our chemistry class?’”

Eisenberg noted that he had long been a fan of the Smiths — and also some obscure indie bands “Michael Cera has never even heard of” — plays acoustic guitar, and regularly carries a backpack.

Cera did not respond to dozens of  calls made from a hamburger-shaped phone.

Most media and blog posts focus on all the stars and the wonderful panels at Comic-con. They usually gloss over several truths about the show:

1. You can either attend panels or walk around to see displays. Not both.
2. The areas around the booths run by the large media companies are hot and FUNKY. Seriously. The air is so thick with body odor that you have trouble breathing.
3. Lines. There are lines all over the place. Lines for free bags. Lines for panels. And lines to get in. That’s where our Thursday report begins.

Unless you have an exhibitor’s badge, you aren’t getting in early. Why would people want to get in early? The toys!

Toys, toys, toys.

They’re all over Comic-Con.

Some companies, like Sideshow Toys, let you pre-order toys so that you can avoid yet another line at the show. Other companies, like Mattel, don’t. So there’s a stampede to get to their booth.

Fans, pros, and press bunch up outside the doors, waiting for the convention security, who coincudentally wear red shirts, to throw the doors open.

Yesterday, my fiancee chose door C to enter. 9:30 came and went, and door C didn’t open. The ‘C’ crowd watched as the fans from other doors stampeded in. The people at the front of the line knocked on the door, asking the redshirts to let us in.

The security guard said ‘I can’t.’

9:35 came around. The doors still didn’t open. A couple fans walked past and opened the doors. A few fans poured in before the 2 security guards made them go back and closed the door.

Then, a Comic-con photographer came by and took pictures of the upset fans.

At this point, the people in the front of the line started banging on the doors. Our favorite 2 Redshirts started talking into their walkie talkies.

About the same time, a fan walked by and gestured to everyone to go to the left to door C1. As the crowd left, 6 more redshirts appeared.

Sadly, I was unable to get the Wonder Twins toys. They are sold out until Saturday.

Also, there were no Marc Singer sightings. Instead, we saw Tommy Wiseau from ‘The Room’ and got a free copy of the film.

(PS. The pic was complete Stephe’s idea. Who doesn’t like a Wonder Woman photographer?)

So, while waiting for the midnight showing of Transformers 2, I decided to pull out the Flip camera, and task Brad with asking questions to innocent patrons standing in line. Very simple quiz –

• What was Soundwave?
• What was Grimlock?
• Give me a line in the style of Grimlock.

Grimlock (a dinosaur)

Regardless – here are the results. Oh – and, to my chagrin, Brad had no idea what the answers were – so in a couple cases, he gets the question wrong. There, I think, is one video of me asking a question, and when they don’t know the answer, you can hear the disgust in my voice, and I think I almost got punched. I have to find that one….

Click here to view the embedded video.

…but people DRESSED as REAL transforming robots is even cooler.

Seriously cooler.

Click here to view the embedded video.

There are a two things you should know about me. First, I’m a greatest hits kind of guy. I would rather just wait until the compilation is released. I have little interest in exploring anyone’s B side. Second, I’m always impressed by celebrity – on any level. I enjoy seeing the John Kapelos’ of the world just as much as I do the Tom Cruises’. To that end I ran into this guy while visiting the Big Apple recently and I couldn’t have been more thrilled.

Can anyone tell me where you might have seen this man before? If you guess correctly I will give you “something to poop on”.

My review of Wolverine cannot possibly be taken seriously, so why bother.

Back when there was one Superhero movie a year, I would put on a little festival before I went to go see it. These festivals were much more interesting before X-Men, Spider-Man, or Hulks were on DVD, hell it was more interesting before they invented DVD. But Wolverine is the last Superhero movie until Iron Man 2, so here’s what I subjected my friends to, in whole or in part between 11am and 6:30pm :

• Batman & Robin (I feel the need to show this to everyone lately, it’s far more “fuck it” than any other Superhero movie)
• Batman Forever
• Dark Knight
• Rocketeer
• Catwoman (don’t you just hope that anyone named Pitof fails?)
• Fantastic Four
• Iron Man
• Superman: The Movie (Chris Reeve needs to fuck off)
• Punisher: War Zone
• The Spirit (a 10 with the tv muted, a 4 with the volume up)
• X-Men

And then, worn-out, and prepared to accept anything better than Batman & Robin, we all went to go see Wolverine and it kicked ass. The big fault is, aside from a few obvious betrayals, it’s a very straightforward plot. Personally i’d watch Wolverine and Sabretooth eat fondue for two hours. If you’re wondering if you should go see a Wolverine movie, then no review’s going to clarify this decision, you are definitely going to see a Wolverine movie, and that is such a good good thing. It could’ve aspired to greatness and achieved it, but first entries aspire to greatness, third sequels never do.