TODAY – at noon, Kate, Sandy, Justin and I will all be discussing LOST as part of the WBEZ Lunchbox Series. Topics covered include: it’s social impact, pop culture influences, and whether or not Juliet is Jack’s wife in the alterLAverse. Be sure to come on over, and join the chat – theories abound, and there’s nothing more fun than speculation. I personally guarantee an hour of fun conversation and bits regarding your (second) favorite castaways.

WBEZ – Lunchbox #11
Noon CST
Click here to join the discussion!

It’s been a long crazy road, and although we haven’t done a spot-on job of critiquing every moment, we have done our fair share of pokes, jabs and OMGs here on Schadenfreude.

I think we’re all ready to see how this wraps up in the final 2.5 hours. I think we’re finally ready to see Jack win in the end. And if you think that’s a spoiler, I remind you, this is Network Television. The good guys always win in the end. That’s what “Scarecrow and Mrs. King” taught me. You want to know what happens when the good guys don’t win in the end? You get the “Seinfeld” series finale. And no one wants that.

This is my list of the top 10 Lost moments in the history of the show. Emphasis on the MY. These are the moments that made the most impact on my memory — some are “holy shit!” moments, some are plain old “*stunned silence*” moments, some are jump out of your seat with joy moments. And I know there are still 3 1/2 hours left to air and I’m leaving the final chapters out. But I just got kinda weepy reading some Lost stuff on EW.com, so I don’t want to wait any longer. Gimme a break, I’m a nostalgic gal and I get way too invested in this shit. Humor me!

10. Ben lets Alex die

He could have surrendered and saved her life. But our selfish friend Ben (remember when we used to call him “Henry Gale”?) called Keamy’s bluff and it didn’t pay off. The look on Ben’s face when he realizes he just caused his daughter ‘s death is just so awful. And poor Alex’s body, just lying limp like that on the ground. I was shell-shocked. Later on we find out the risk Ben took to ensure baby Alex’s survival, which makes this scene even more heart-wrenching in retrospect.

9. The map in the hatch

This was the moment that first opened my eyes to just how grand, how epic the mythology of the show was going to be from here on out. Those fleeting 5 seconds that we see the blacklit Dharma station map were OFF THE HOOK! “WTF is that question mark????” This was before DVR and Hulu, so I actually had to search fan sites to find the image. FAN SITES! Wow…so 2006.

8. The starting of the Dharma van

One of the first (and only) moments in Lost where something super awesome and fun happens. Watching Charlie, Hurley, Jin and Sawyer ride around and around in that van, you’d think they were four 10-year-olds on the Tilt-A-Whirl at Great America. A moment of pure triumph and joy, with “Shambala” playing in the background — our heroes finally got to forget their troubles and just have fun.

7. Juliet falls

After all that Juliet and Sawyer went through — several failed relationships, initially hating each other, then falling in love over the 3 years in Dharmaville — we were all rooting for them to be the couple that made it to the end and lived happily ever after. But this is LOST, so of course they had to pull her down a well by magnets and chains. Thanks a lot, LOST! That final scene where Sawyer is holding her by the wrist as she dangles to her death, and he says, “I’m not gonna let you go!” OMG. *heart melts into a pool of tears!*

6. Ben in J. Crew and the first glimpse of ”New Otherton”

Another WTF moment: The first time we see where The Others live! And we learn they live surprisingly well for a bunch of dirty, bearded ragamuffins! In fact, they dress in khakis and well-pressed cotton shirts, live in cute little suburban homes with white picket fences, and they bake muffins for their book clubs! In this moment we learned that there was so much more to The Others than we ever could have imagined.

5. Sun & Jin, together forever

It was particularly harsh to see Sun and Jin die after a whole season apart, and after just being reunited in the previous episode. But the way that they died was particularly tragic and beautiful. We’ve been with this couple through so much change (remember when Jin was a total asshole and almost killed Michael over that watch?) — we watched them grow together, conceive a child, search for each other for literally YEARS. And when they finally found each other, Jin vowed to never be apart again. And Jin kept his promise. WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

4. Locke in the coffin

For an ENTIRE YEAR we speculated, “Who’s in the coffin? Those bastards cut away from the finale without showing us who’s in the coffin! For the love of Christ, just TELL US WHO’S IN THE DAMN COFFIN!!!” Everyone had their own opinion on who was in the coffin — Ben? Michael? Vincent???  The producers shot 3 or 4 different variations of the coffin scene with different characters in the coffin, just to throw off the spoiler-people. And when we found out it was Locke, *COLLECTIVE GASP*!!! WTF??? If Locke is dead, how is Jack going to get everyone back to the island to fulfill their destiny??? Ben said, “We have to take him too.” WHAAAA??? Loved it. Classic Lost.

3. Penny picks up Desmond’s call from the freighter

Another OMFG moment. He told her to answer the phone in the future on this very date! And he got Sayid (is there anything he can’t do? Oh yeah, throw a bomb and slam the sub door. Damn it, Sayid!) to fix that phone on the freighter so he could make the international call, without a calling card! And after about 30 rings, she answered! And then his brain didn’t explode! YAAAAYY!!! *sniff, sniff* This is one of the top romantic TV moments of all time. *sigh*

2. The light in the hatch

The light. That brilliant, beautiful light shining from The Hatch. After all of the struggle Locke went through to figure out why the hell he was brought to the island, WTF that metal shit was in the ground, and what does it all mean….FLICK! A light. A sign. He’s supposed to be there. He IS there for a reason. It’s the first “light” in a long series of lights throughout the entire show that have real significance.

1. “Not Penny’s Boat”

It’s a phrase that will bring an audible reaction from every true Lost fan: “Not Penny’s Boat”, the haunting and cryptic message written on Charlie’s hand as he gave up his life to save them all. Many fans complain that they didn’t understand why Charlie didn’t try to swim out of the hole that Mikhail blew up. It’s simple: Charlie knew that he was doomed and it was just a matter of time. This way, he got to end his life on his own terms; saving Desmond in the process so he can save everyone else, especially Claire and Aaron. And the final bit of heroism, to warn Desmond that the boat they thought would save them all was not what it seemed to be, was another major turning point in the epic story. Just a few notes of that chilling “Life and Death” theme by the brilliant Michael Giacchino sends chills up my spine and tears to my eyes. I still miss ya, Charlie.

Whew! That was hard. I wanted to be clever and just do my top 8 (Get it?? Like The Numbers?? Did we ever really figure out what the numbers meant? My brain hurts.) but I just had too many to do only 8, and not enough hours in the day for my Top 42. So pipe in, Lost fans! What are your top Lost moments? And am I right? Which should be the “Top Moment From LOST”? Vote on the poll below!!

So last week they jumped the shark. I challenge any of you to tell me any differently. Between “explaining” what the island is (midichlorians anyone?) and trying to explain everything we’re seeing by posing even bigger questions (oh great, now who was the WOMAN who raised them? and how did she get there??!) and finally, why did it take 3000 years (give or take 1000) to finally decide it was time for a new candidate (there weren’t any good choices until Party of 5 was looking for work)?

Well, there are only 3.5 hours left, and soon, these videos of LOST credits to different 80s sitcoms will have no bearing whatsoever on the pop culture pulse of America….

So, enjoy it while you got it. Because after this, we are left with “V”. And if you aren’t watching it, catch up on “Fringe” over on Hulu. It’s another JJ Abrams joint, and it starts slow in Season 1, but Season 2 is fan-freaking-tastic. One of the best dramas on television, no shit.

So yes. Last week we saw a few characters head into the great beyond. At least one version of them. And although it was sad to see Sun die, it was more frustrating to watch the writers throw up their hands and say, “We have no fucking clue what to do with Sayid either!” And have him grab a bomb and run to the other side of the sub in a last ditch effort of redemption.

And, it has finally, without a doubt, been revealed that Smokey is the bad guy. I remember everyone saying, “Ohhhh I think Jacob is evil, and he’s the bad guy, and the other guy, Mr. Black, Smokey, whatever is REALLY the good guy…” You know who you are. Feel kinda silly now, don’t you?

Well, as the stakes continue to rise, and we see Jack become the savior of the world, and Aaron and Ji Yeon become the “Adam and Eve” bones we saw in Season 1, I give you this fun little video:

Personally – I just like this one because it includes the secondary/dead characters. Anyone who makes a credit reference to Charlotte wins.

Does anyone out there know why the hell there was no new episode last week? Really interrupted the rhythm, made me feel like I missed something… I was forced to spend time with family, and it was really awkward. Yes LOST – we will miss you, no need to start cutting yourself out of my life prematurely, cool?

Let’s run straight through to the end, shall we?

And please answer the only burning question that remains: “Will Matthew Fox work after this, or has he been typecast forever as ‘Jack’?” And the corollary question: “What’s the over/under on Kate showing her breasts on film?” I give it 18 months.

In the meantime – let this suck up 5 minutes of your life:

…which one was “Kate” and which one was “Allie”?

Thanks Bro!

In honor of the reveal of “The Package”

Click here to view the embedded video.

It’s good to have you back, brotha.

March 28th at 8pm Eastern/7pm Central. 

Click here to view the embedded video.

*But, as a subscriber to LMN, you probably know all this already.  Sorry to waste your time.

Lost were a sitcom? I know you came here asking that, and fortunately, I have an answer for you. Namely, what if Lost were a sitcom from the early 90s and they used the Full House font and theme?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Tonight’s episode, according to all the promos, will have “All the answers we’ve been looking for…” Whatever that means. All I know it has to do with Guyliner himself, Richard Alpert. Let’s hope that it’s more than what we’ve already been able to put together: He work(ed)s for Jacob; he’s been around since the Black Rock crashed; he made some sort of “impossible deal” a la Dogen to stay young; he’s gay.

Ok, that last one, Adam told me about. Of course, I don’t see any contradicting material…. So….. You make up your own mind.

Any bets – the over/under on Jack in this episode is 3 minutes 42 seconds – who’s taking action?