Oh Isabella, you environmental activist SLASH actress you!

You have kept me charmed over the years, so dearly in love with you from early appearances on “The Tracy Ullman Show” to “Death Becomes Her” (sue me, I like that movie. I’ll watch it ANYTIME it’s on TV. Even TNT.) Now, honestly, she doesn’t pop up that much for me. I never saw an episode of Chicago Hope (I think it’s canceled, right?). However, she was great on 30 Rock.

It’s the Italian accent, it’s the constant short hair, it’s the round face, and, recently, it’s her “Green Porno” series for the Sundance Channel. I’ll admit, it’s pretty weird seeing her playing the male, and having penises of all shapes and sizes – but when she talks about sex between animals, there’s a passion there.

I vote “Yes” to the environmental hottie, Isabella Rossellini. Hit the jump to see one of her “Green Pornos” – completely Safe For Work
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This was taken at our All Terrain shoot for their “Dude We Can Fit It” Campaign. Stephe and I are trying to get some serious business taken care of. It doesn’t matter if there is an ass in our face. We are professional. Also pictured: members of the All Terrain team and Michelle L’Amour.

When you contribute to an organization dedicated to preserving our forests and end up on a list so you begin receiving lots and lots and lots and lots of mail about how to contribute to other environmental organizations…be sure to recycle all of those letters.

Here’s a little tip for greener living, after you’ve gotten rid of bar soap for plastic bottles of soap, be sure to recycle those plastic bottles. 

Think Green and remember, use compact flourescent lights, they’re more energy efficient and give your living room that “Kinko’s at 3am” feel.

Maybe I’m absolutely positively dating myself. Of course, in the current age dating yourself is as simple as “remember when tv wasn’t HD?” “I’m sooooo 18″. But during my weeklong Bill Bixby Hulk Marathon my thoughts turned to returnable bottles. I have very fond memories of plopping down to watch The Hulk as a kid, and nothing went with the Hulk like a returnable bottle of RC Cola. You see, back in the era we call “pre-1985″ you used to buy a six pack and pay fifteen cents extra. Then you’d drink your cola shamefully devoid of aluminum flakes and take your bottles back to the store and they’d give you fifteen cents off your next six pack, or if you weren’t buying soda again, you got fifteen cents back to, I don’t know, buy a gallon of gas or put your kid through private school, I forget the inflation rates.

It just never has made sense to me that we’ve gotten more environmental, but gotten rid of the returnable bottle. How is paying people to collect it, sort it, melt it, and reform it into new glass easier? 

Okay. I did it again, but this time called it out. I went into Circuit City for…something. Something I don’t need to enhance something else I don’t need. A carrying sleeve for my ipod Nano. Oh, what would Tyler Durden say were he not the manifestation of an author who undoubtedly owns an Ikea couch? There’s an exchange I’ve had 100 times in Circuit City and Best Buy, and it basically comes down to this: I’m that AV Asshole. I know way more about videocamera’s than any employee of either two places will ever forget. And since I’ve been videocameraless for a year, I always find myself checking out the cameras at these stores. Which is worthless, because the information I need to know is never posted. Every time I’m in there, I’m approached by Teenager McNoHelp who asks if I’d like some help. Every time I stump them with my first question and they follow up, EVERY TIME, by telling me how big the flipscreen is and that this videocamera also takes still photos. No shit, it’s 2008, my fucking toilet takes still photo’s. Actually, the less said about that the better. For more information go to photos.ofmyballs.blogspot.com. 

So Employee O’Unhelpful comes up and, once again, ask if I’d like help. I tell him that I’ve never, in my life, had an employee of this store answer a question, but thanks anyway, and by the way, do you know how big the CCD on this camera is? I decliined his offer to get someone else to answer my question, and that was that. Maybe I’m the douche at that point. 

But THEN, I get to the counter to pay Jocko VonI’dRatherBeTanning for the product I don’t need and they print out the longest receipt I’ve ever seen, I mean to take a picture for this, but I’ll get to it later. The thing spans my outstretched finger to my neck, which according to The Davinci Code is as long as something else that I forget. So I comment on this – “that is the longest receipt I’ve ever seen” – not very clever, but he took my comment like his dead father invented the fucking thing. Of course, the worst thing a douche can do to me or Sandy, or Justin, or Stephe, or Kate, is ignore our bit. So I keep going. “Wow, can I get back in the country with that thing?” Nothing. “Guess that saves me a run to Vons for some Cottonelle.” He ignored me harder at that point, however that is accomplished. Douche. 

(hat tip: Johanna Smith for the instant rimshot link)

I know, I know, the earth needs us now, more than ever…  But, I’m still making the “green movement” my douche of the day.  I can’t help but fast forward 15 years when we’ll look back at this time as “those few years where everyone got all excited about saving the environment”.  It’s going to be like how 1985 was all about making bad group superstar sing-a-long albums to save Ethiopia.  And how 1986 was all about “Hands Across America” to save… well, to bring awareness to… um, yeah.  Or how those 2 weeks in 1991 were all about curing H.I.V because Magic wasn’t gay or un-famous.  Don’t get me wrong — I get it —  we need to stop being jerks and using every available resource our planet has to offer.  BUT, can corporate America calm down with their attempt to not only build a band wagon, but also jump on it?  And what’s with that messaging at the end of people’s business emails about reconsidering wether or not you’ll print that email (and subsequently save or destroy the universe)?  Who is recklessly printing out hard copies of their emails?  If you need to print it, you do.  If you don’t, you don’t.  Because it’s email.  And what’s with all the new packaging in stores? How am I supposed to know which products are really better for the environment and which ones are just being trendy?  Our choices seem to be this: use a shit ton of plastic and ruin the earth, or use Nalgene bottles over and over again and get cancer.  And finally, isn’t the term “going green” a bit insensitive to the deserts and snow capped mountains?