TNT is celebrating the release of Batman: Dark Knight, by playing Joel Schumacher’s epic masterpieces Batman Forever and Batman & Robin in rotation all day long. It’s either a tie-in, or an attempt to get information out of someone somewhere. I know it’s very maligned and the name of Joel Schumacher is cursed, but beyond all that, seriously, what WAS the deal with Batman & Robin?

George Clooney (maybe the best actual overall choice for Batman/Bruce Wayne) just pulled out a bat-tv and showed a recording of Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman) saying something incriminating. The “oh I recorded it” plot conceit always gets the poorly-drawn character out of a poorly-drawn mess. I’ve always been obsessesed with Batman & Robin. I just watch it in wonder that so many bad choices could be grouped in one movie. There’s so many floppy icicles, so many bad physical effects, kicks that clearly don’t land and inconceivable swings from the mouth of danger without any attempt to show you what’s being saved from what and how, there’s just a thing falling and them a thing is fired and they’re swinging and they win. There’s puns, hockey fights, whatever Alicia Silverstone is doing, and a gun that makes cold by burning diamonds…there’s even a Three’s Stooges style rocket to the moon and Batman surfs down from space to save himself. Every minute of this movie makes a terrible choice, like right now, a 50 ton Freeze Cannon just fell off a mountain and Batgirl and Robin had a discussion about what to do, that was so long that NO audience member could believe that anything would not have landed by now. 

What’s fascinating about it is not the ineptitude, it’s that there’s a clear condescension in the choices. I’ve never seen a movie with more of a clear “oh you’ll buy anything, shut up and enjoy your dumb comic movie asshole” attitude about it. It’s like a bigscreen 90′s adaptation of the 60′s Batman TV show, which actually makes it kind of endearing. 

And lastly (as Batman Forever has begun), remember Jim Carrey? That used to be fun going to his movies.