Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer here with one you’ll never believe.  Last time I blogged, I was telling you all about how my neighbor Don got a letter from the crummy IRS telling him he owed big time.  I’d been seeing all these “tea parties” on TV where a bunch of people who hate President Obama get dressed up and protest being taxed.  I told Don we had to go.   At first he seemed interested, but when the day of the event came he told me he’d rather be tarred and feathered and chickened out.  Turns out Don’s got some “liberal sensitivities”.  He probably likes the Steelers, too.  While he stayed home trying to figure out a payment plan to Uncle Sam, I went to Conservapedia to get the real scoop about Tea Parties. The more I read, the more I liked the idea – back in the day, the colonists revolting from England got together, dressed up as Indians, snuck on some ships and dumped a bunch of tea into the harbor.  The lesson: Money Talks.  That got the Brits’ attention, and we proceeded to kick their ass.  200+ years later, the conservatives were going to do the same to Obama and all the shit he’s trying to run past us.   Being the patriot I am, I knew I had to do this tea party proper.

To start, I needed a costume.  Time to go old school – I decided to dress up as an Indian.  Now here’s the beauty of living in the greater Cleveland area – our baseball team mascot is also an Indian!  So I already had my costume from all of my Tribe gear.

A side note: they need to fire Wedge and Shapiro ASAP.  I can’t believe how bad they were this year.

Anyway, I pulled out the Chief Wahoo mask from 10 cent beer night and was set to go:

Sweet, huh?  And since I was going as the Chief, I figured I could call some shots.  My wife Sadie says its all racist and crap, but c’mon…its tradition!  Ol’ Chief Wahoo never hurt anyone.

I got to Public Square bright and early on the day of the party, and it was already packed.  There must have been a hundred people there!  Everyone else  had signs, but I didn’t know I was supposed to bring one.  Some lady from the Fox News truck told me to go and make a sign, so I ran over to the drug store and got some poster board and a marker.

Now here was the hard part – there was going to be TV there, and I wanted to make sure the IRS saw my sign and got the message.  So I wrote “Tuckpointers Hate Taxes” and ran out to join the crowd.  Some speakers got up on the mic and started us off with a prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance.   Then things got a little weird.

The next bunch of speakers didn’t say anything about taxes at all.  The first guy, some preacher, talked about how Obama was the AntiChrist and wanted to abort everyone’s kids.  That went on for a while.   The next lady said that Obama was from Kenya and couldn’t be president, that he was also some Muslim killer and wanted to convert me.  I figured everyone had some grievances to air, and that taxes may not come up for awhile.  Rather than sit out there listening to some dude drone on, I ducked into Johny’s for a cold one.  A few beers and some wings later I came back out – same lady was talking about Obama’s birth certificate.  I gotta hand it to her, she was prepared.  Slides and everything.  I went back in ’cause the Browns were on.

Around 5 I was pretty wasted.  I went back out to check on the party, but it seemed to be breaking up.  I asked a couple of people if they ever got around to taxes and representation, but couldn’t get a straight answer.  I decided to make my own statement.   I grabbed my sign, and ran for the F50.  It was time for my secret weapon.  I figured there wouldn’t be any ships in the lake carrying tea for me to chuck overboard, so I stopped at Sam’s on my way downtown and picked up a few cases of Lipton.  I pulled them out of the truck, threw up some, then high tailed it back.   Most everyone was gone at that point, and the Fox people were packing up.  I had once chance.  I opened a post box near the fountain and started pouring in tea.  When I saw people finally paying attention, I yelled “Give me liberty and cut taxes for the top 2%!”  Suddenly I felt this sting in my stomach and smelled burning hair.  Then I was out.

Turns out some cop tasered me.  I woke up in the paddy wagon, where he yelled at me for a while.  I had to go to jail for a little bit and call Sadie to come bail me out.  She wasn’t too happy about that, screaming that we didn’t have the money for the bail on her salary and all sorts of other crap.  That night I flipped on Fox 8, but I didn’t see myself in the segment.  I lost my Chief Wahoo mask, and didn’t even get to go back for the rest of my tea.

So…it looks like I’m on the couch for awhile.  But no worries…I know I made a difference to those 4 people who saw me and my act of defiance.  Taxes suck, and there’s no other way around it.  Next time, I’ll steer clear of Johny’s…gotta keep a level head when so much is on the line.  So till then, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.

Hi Everybody!

My name is Molly, and I’m a new clogger to the blog!  Like that political wacko John who posted below, I have known Schadenfreude for years and am psyched to be able to contribute to the site.  Like John, I’m also interested in media criticism, and I especially like to write about feminism and representations of women in pop culture.  It gives me something to think about while I watch The View and other daytime lady talk shows, which I enjoy far more than any girl in her early 20s should.

So, it’s great to be here, everyone.  Now let’s start the Labor Day festivities.

So I’m perusing Netflix and out of some documentary I was looking up I got suggested Uncovered: The Truth About The Iraq War which I’ve seen. It’s astounding. I guess to be fair, I should say it’s biased, but that word is so devoid of meaning in 2007, the charge of bias has fallen victim of too many truly biased individuals, but that’s not my point here. Below it, I read this review.

If you want to piss off a liberal, then defend America. Gee, another Iraq war documentary criticizing the Bush administration, and telling us the same old same old! What a surprise. These documentaries are so eager to say Bush lied, but what about these experts? Can these film makers say with 100% certianty that they are not lieing in their interviews? Why should we believe these experts any more than Bush? (extra points for that sentence, yes MP, why should we believe experts over non-experts?)They have their own agendas as well. It’s hard enough to trust government these days, but I sure as hell are not going to trust some America hating liberal for any factual info. Why do you liberals hate America anyway? There are literally over 230 recognized nations on this beloved planet that you all can choose to live. Why do you stay here in America if you all are so hateful of this land? Hell, the US dollar could go quite far in some countries, you liberals could live as kings and queens. This is a serious question. Why do you liberals hate America so much? Go live somewhere else so you can hate some other country for a while. Damn liberals!
(2 people found this review helpful.)

MP obviously saw a different film than I did, I remember 90 minutes of talking heads of 20 career CIA and Intelligence analysts weighing in on how the Iraq intelligence was used, but that’s not the point here.

There’s a little button on Netflix that allows me to see other reviews by MP in Henderson, NV so I did…

Okay, so MP didn’t like Uncovered because it was made by a bunch of America haters, hey I’m with him on that, I don’t like America haters either and when I finally meet one after all this buildup he/she’s going to get an earful.

So when you click on “more reviews” from MP there are only Nine reviews, Seven of them are published in order below. Hilariously the first thing that comes up is the EARLIER edition of Uncovered. I guess both are available on Netflix, but he has a different review.

Uncovered: The Truth About The Iraq War

You people should be ashamed of yourselves! Have you movie raters ever noticed that you push the ‘not helpful’ button on the people who write poor reviews. (that’s the point isn’t it?) So, they disagree with you. BFD! You all must be a bunch of pathetic Hillary-loving liberals who hate people who disagree with any thing you stand for. I hope your next sh*t is square. This movie was, as usual, biased like every other documenatry regarding the Iraq war. I would love to find a documentary on the Iraq war that is truely a documentary, rather than a one-sided lecture! Im sure you all will put ‘not helpful’ because I disagree with you all. Don’t care! Damn liberals.
(17 people found this review helpful.)(that’s funny.)

Fahrenheit 9/11

I am pleased this film got a horrible review. I could of sworn all the stupid liberals would have acknowledged this piece of cockroach dropping as one of the greatest films in cinema. Fortunantely, I stand corrected. Michael Moore is a very angry person (that’s funny), and has an array of personality disorders. Unfortunately, he feels he needs to spread his anger to the rest of us who don’t give a crap about him. This film was not a documentary. A documentary tells both sides, and is objective with both sides. As usual, Mr. Moore tells one side, and is extremely subjective and slanted. What a jackass! It’s too bad we can’t tie Michael Moore to one of our bombs, so he can see first hand what war is about, and we sometimes it’s nescessary. Turd head!
(3 people found this review helpful.)

After the phrase Turd head, I should prove that this is real.

Pretty Baby

I just couldn’t see what the other reviewers had seen in this film. Brook Shields did not do a splendid job acting. She was horrible. I understand she was a child actor then, but she still stunk! Everyone else seems to think she did such a spendid job. She sucked! The film was a sleeper, I didnt feel it really said anything about child prostitution. I barely stayed awake through it. How could anyone like this garbage? It had no clear plot, it had no clear message, it was just a hodgepodge of different scenes thrown together with no logical sequence. There was no beginning, no middle, and no end. If they had literally started the film in the middle, had the end as the beginning, and the introduction as the end, it would of looked the same. What a piece of crap. I am going to remember this director so I make sure I never see any of his stupidity again. (it’s therefore safe to say that MP never saw Louis Malles’ My Dinner WIth Andre).
(4 people found this review helpful.)

Mulholland Drive

WOW! What a monumental piece of crap! I had to shut this off after the first hour. The movie went nowhere, and frankly, I don’t have a whole lot of patients to sit through movies that stay stagnant in their plot. I wander if the directors, producers, and actors were as bored making this film as I was watching it. (here’s where we get some valuable insight into MP)The feeling I endured in watching this movie was similar to the feeling one gets when expecting a gift in the mail. However, day after day, you check the mailbox, and its always bills and advertisements, but no gift. Then after a while, you get used to the idea that the gift will probably not be there. Likewise, I expected, scene after scene, for something interesting and plot-related to derive, but to no avail. So I settled on the idea, that after an hour, this movie will probably never have anything interesting coming. So, I turned it off. What a waste!
(1 person found this review helpful.)

World Trade Center

I must have seen a completely different movie than the other reviewers. This movie, simply put, was boring. Additionally, I do not believe this film was done in good taste. Exactly how can Hollywood dipict a dispicable and tasteless act in the name of good taste? That’s a paradox. I believe cowardly acts, especially that of 9/11, can only fairly be dipicted by a documentary genre. This film gave me the impression that Oliver Stone just wanted to finish it ASAP, so he can hold the unlaudable accomplishment of being the director who released the first major motion picture of a 9/11 related story. Ironically, he failed at his goal, as United 93 beat him to it. This film looked like Oliver Stone simply rushed through making it with the ‘ahh, that’s good enough’ menatlity. Almost 3,000 of our compatriots were hopelessly slaughtered, and the best that Oliver Stone can honor the desceased and the depicted two officers, is by making some slapshod film? I mean, I understand that Mr. Stone is a far left liberal, and usually liberals are infamously selfish and self-centered (with their civil rights movement and social security), but I didn’t know he was this insensative. Ive seen Oliver Stone’s best before (the script for Conan The Barbarian), and this film fell far short of his best. He should be ashamed of himself!
(1 person found this review helpful.)

Slumber Party Massacre II (you can’t write this shit)

The reviewers who gave this film a poor review need to unwind. When you all fart, I bet only dogs can hear it! This film did what it was suppossed to do for a horror film. It isn’t meant to be over analyised people. I doubt the director had the hopes that people would congramulate, after the movie in the theater, and break up in little study groups with Plato’s Republic in one hand and a caligraphy pen in the other for the purpose of finding a profound theme in the movie that would solve the meaning of life. Geeeze people! It was a B horror film meant to entertain, and it did. It had the blood and guts, the boobs, and a weak storyline. The criteria was met. I liked it. Stop comparing films like this with the classics. The director never claimed it to be a classic, so don’t treat it as such.

And finally…

Werewolf Woman

Wow! Ok, if you are a man, and are going to watch this then I suggest you have some lotion and a damp cloth handy. There is enough frontal nudity in this to wool a sweater. Seriously, it’s good stuff. I think there was a plot to it as well, but Im not sure.
(1 person found this review helpful.)

Personally I found all of this helpful.