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Really makes me want to shoot more stuff with big green boards. Maybe I’ll just make a web series called, “Big Green Boards” – and I’ll write on there what would be there if I had enough money…

Seriously? They can’t just go to Washington DC, set up a couple cameras, and shoot a 30 second clip?

And I’m torn. Should I even bother? They’re trying to hook me back in – look at the evidence:

• It’s not in LA.
• It’s not even in California.
• It’s not even in the West Time Zone.
• It’s in NYC.
• He’s admitted he’s still rogue – so “anything” can happen.
• They wiped out MOST of the good actors between the last two seasons, so there’s no one to really lean on anymore. (Except Cherry Jones – and she’s a reason to NOT watch it – so this one negates itself.)
• There’s nothing else that is pure “action” on TV anymore – unless you count MythBusters.
• I don’t think Sprint is sponsoring this season.
• Starbuck. Katee Sackhoff is in the season. That’s a positive. However, the negative that counters this is, Freddie Prinze, Jr. is ALSO in this season. So, no net gain here.

I mean, that’s kind of a good list… right? So here’s the deal – should I watch and resuscitate the “Tuesday 24 Wrap Up”? I feel like I should, I mean, if I’m going to watch it – then I might as well put that hour of crap to good use, right?
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Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer here with one you’ll never believe.  Last time I blogged, I was telling you all about how my neighbor Don got a letter from the crummy IRS telling him he owed big time.  I’d been seeing all these “tea parties” on TV where a bunch of people who hate President Obama get dressed up and protest being taxed.  I told Don we had to go.   At first he seemed interested, but when the day of the event came he told me he’d rather be tarred and feathered and chickened out.  Turns out Don’s got some “liberal sensitivities”.  He probably likes the Steelers, too.  While he stayed home trying to figure out a payment plan to Uncle Sam, I went to Conservapedia to get the real scoop about Tea Parties. The more I read, the more I liked the idea – back in the day, the colonists revolting from England got together, dressed up as Indians, snuck on some ships and dumped a bunch of tea into the harbor.  The lesson: Money Talks.  That got the Brits’ attention, and we proceeded to kick their ass.  200+ years later, the conservatives were going to do the same to Obama and all the shit he’s trying to run past us.   Being the patriot I am, I knew I had to do this tea party proper.

To start, I needed a costume.  Time to go old school – I decided to dress up as an Indian.  Now here’s the beauty of living in the greater Cleveland area – our baseball team mascot is also an Indian!  So I already had my costume from all of my Tribe gear.

A side note: they need to fire Wedge and Shapiro ASAP.  I can’t believe how bad they were this year.

Anyway, I pulled out the Chief Wahoo mask from 10 cent beer night and was set to go:

Sweet, huh?  And since I was going as the Chief, I figured I could call some shots.  My wife Sadie says its all racist and crap, but c’mon…its tradition!  Ol’ Chief Wahoo never hurt anyone.

I got to Public Square bright and early on the day of the party, and it was already packed.  There must have been a hundred people there!  Everyone else  had signs, but I didn’t know I was supposed to bring one.  Some lady from the Fox News truck told me to go and make a sign, so I ran over to the drug store and got some poster board and a marker.

Now here was the hard part – there was going to be TV there, and I wanted to make sure the IRS saw my sign and got the message.  So I wrote “Tuckpointers Hate Taxes” and ran out to join the crowd.  Some speakers got up on the mic and started us off with a prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance.   Then things got a little weird.

The next bunch of speakers didn’t say anything about taxes at all.  The first guy, some preacher, talked about how Obama was the AntiChrist and wanted to abort everyone’s kids.  That went on for a while.   The next lady said that Obama was from Kenya and couldn’t be president, that he was also some Muslim killer and wanted to convert me.  I figured everyone had some grievances to air, and that taxes may not come up for awhile.  Rather than sit out there listening to some dude drone on, I ducked into Johny’s for a cold one.  A few beers and some wings later I came back out – same lady was talking about Obama’s birth certificate.  I gotta hand it to her, she was prepared.  Slides and everything.  I went back in ’cause the Browns were on.

Around 5 I was pretty wasted.  I went back out to check on the party, but it seemed to be breaking up.  I asked a couple of people if they ever got around to taxes and representation, but couldn’t get a straight answer.  I decided to make my own statement.   I grabbed my sign, and ran for the F50.  It was time for my secret weapon.  I figured there wouldn’t be any ships in the lake carrying tea for me to chuck overboard, so I stopped at Sam’s on my way downtown and picked up a few cases of Lipton.  I pulled them out of the truck, threw up some, then high tailed it back.   Most everyone was gone at that point, and the Fox people were packing up.  I had once chance.  I opened a post box near the fountain and started pouring in tea.  When I saw people finally paying attention, I yelled “Give me liberty and cut taxes for the top 2%!”  Suddenly I felt this sting in my stomach and smelled burning hair.  Then I was out.

Turns out some cop tasered me.  I woke up in the paddy wagon, where he yelled at me for a while.  I had to go to jail for a little bit and call Sadie to come bail me out.  She wasn’t too happy about that, screaming that we didn’t have the money for the bail on her salary and all sorts of other crap.  That night I flipped on Fox 8, but I didn’t see myself in the segment.  I lost my Chief Wahoo mask, and didn’t even get to go back for the rest of my tea.

So…it looks like I’m on the couch for awhile.  But no worries…I know I made a difference to those 4 people who saw me and my act of defiance.  Taxes suck, and there’s no other way around it.  Next time, I’ll steer clear of Johny’s…gotta keep a level head when so much is on the line.  So till then, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.

Just a scant nine years after Michael J. Fox starred “Teen Wolf,” Jack Nicholson made his own mark on the genre with “Wolf,” a film that probably would have been even more successful if it had been considered the third of the “Teen Wolf” trilogy.

Nicholson plays a mousy book editor who is fortuitously bitten by a werewolf the same week that he is demoted, his position filled by his weaselly metrosexual protege, played by James Spader, who is also sleeping with his wife. 

Now filled with the “passion of the wolf,” Nicholson’s senses are heightened: He can read without his glasses, he can smell the tequila his co-worker drank for breakfast, he can leap shrubs in a single bound, snap the neck of a deer, and drink from its neck like its severed artery is a spigot. He can insult Michelle Pfeiffer straight into bed.

And when James Spader dares to make idle chit-chat with him at the urinal, Nicholson turns his spray on his enemy’s suede shoes. “I’m marking my territory,” he tells the pretty-boy, before cruelling adding to the insult by identifying this batch of urine’s vineyard: “Asparagus.”

If “Teen Wolf” is the puberty allegory of this trilogy, “Wolf,” it seems, is the Viagra metaphor.

Choose “C”. If there isn’t one, just go to bed. It’s amazing – like these two shows are the Titanic – the best, the most brilliant, opening up a wide range of possibilities of the future of television. Shows about ordinary people with awesome powers duking it out in broad daylight with laser beam eyes and punches that could take out a city block. Shows about the indomitable spirit of one man when it comes to saving his country, doing whatever it takes, and then running when the government that gave him the blank check, cashed it for him.

That’s cool television. But, like the Titanic, these shows are sinking. Slowly. Very slowly. Slow enough that I still want to watch to see if there are any survivors. To see if they can actually kill Jack (short answer: no. long answer: no.) Tony’s a bad guy again? Or rather, he always was? Ok. Cool. So Renee’s love interest is dead at the hands of Tony? *yawn* Elisha Cuthbert’s career not going as she planned? The “House of Wax” with Paris Hilton didn’t boost her meter as high as she thought? That’s ok, she’ll always be Jack’s daughter, let’s bring her back. Touching reunion. *yawn* Janeane Garofalo still on? *yawn*

And don’t even get me started about Heroes. Why am I still watching? I don’t know. Because it’s on the DVR when I get home, and I need something to bitch about for writing material? Because, like the child on Christmas Eve, I really hope that THIS Monday, I’ll unwrap the gift, and it WILL BE the Millenium Falcon! But, like most Christmases, it isn’t. It’s the sweater my mom wants me to wear for school pictures. Let me put it to the writers thusly: WE ONLY LIKE SEEING FIGHTS AND SYLAR BEING EVIL. Cool, got it?

All right. Next week – I’ll watch the phenomenon that America keeps talking about, “Two and Half Men”.

Ack! Should I watch “24″ or “Heroes”? I’ve only got time for one. And time is running out!
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It’s good to see Bill get messy again. What I can’t believe is that the producers hire such a good actor as Colm Feore (just check out his work in Chronicles of Riddick) – and they relegate him to the role of “important hostage”. I’ve never heard the term “First Gentleman” before – and it’s kinda growing on me. At least 24 will prepare the world for when Hillary is elected, and we have to call Bill that, just like they prepared us for what to call a black President, after David Palmer was elected.

What else was special about last night’s episode? Loads of stuff. Billy from Entourage is either a really bad actor, or a REALLY good actor. He feels as underwhelming as the guy who plays Larry – Renee’s ex – is hamming it up with his distress over losing Agent Walker. Speaking of which – I’m really loving her when she’s in “ass kicking mode”. Otherwise, she’s another whiny broad. And that brings up another point – is there a way to kill Jeaneane Garofalo? I mean kill. her. dead. I don’t want her pathetic empathy. I don’t want her Chloe-like tech skills (I have Chloe who is a much better Chloe.) I don’t want her chubby little star-tattooed hands pounding away at a keyboard talking about “cold leads” and “CIP code trace fragments.” Essentially – Billy and Jeaneane need to get axed – in a really good, for no real reason way.

And can anyone explain why it took Jack and Walker so long to bust in when they HEARD and SAW that Dubaku was taking the CIP chip, and that the plan had been busted open, and that THEY PULLED UP VIDEO SURVEILLANCE OF THEM WALKING INTO THE BUILDING? They had a freakin’ camera and was watchin’ them watch them come in. Don’t know about you, but in real time, I would have said something like, “SHIT. Bill, Tony – on my go. GO!” But hey, that’s just me, and I don’t have a history of saving the country. Also – if anyone wants to know how long it takes the main tank at a chemical plant in Kidron, OH to blow – it takes EXACTLY 12 minutes. Not a moment longer – or less. You know, for dramatic purposes. AND – if you remove the chip that’s sending the controls, then whatever what the computer was doing, it will forget, and everything will go back to normal. Totally makes sense.

And does anyone watch Lost? How about that seeing a young Charles Widmore – WTF?! AND – I still can’t figure out how the whole “Richard Alpert” doesn’t age thing work. Is it because of the island? Does Ben get Widmore kicked off the island, and that’s why he has the vendetta? Widmore, et. al., are the original Others – who coincidentally speak Latin – and why the F do they have an ATOMIC BOMB hanging out at the island??? Personally – I’m a big fan of this “skipping through time” storyline, and less of the Oceanic6 – Jack, Kate, Sun, Hurley, Sayid – pretty bored of them as late. And one final question – Is Desomond and Penny’s son named after Charlie? And if so (ready for this) what if, because of the island, little Charlie, Desmond and Penny’s is REALLY daddy Charlie??? Think about it – that’s the kind of shit Carleton and Cruse would pull in a heartbeat.

Thoughts?

Here it is, last week’s 24 with long-time Schadenfriend Matt Lenhart (the white lawyer with more lines than I remembered). Matt Lenhart even once did lights and sound for Schadenfreude at Cafe Ashie while Stephe Schmidt was just a drinker in the audience (he wouldn’t be sitting there long). And for many of the readers of this site, this is perhaps the largest national exposure of a Tower Player (unless you include that Andy Eninger Superbowl streaking incident).

It’s been a while since we’ve had good TV in the pipeline. Case in point: we finally deleted the John Adams series on DVR (full disclosure: it had been on there since May 08, and we never watched it, opting instead to save room for everything coming up). I saw Seasons 1-3 of 24 on DVD, furiously trying to catch-up a couple of years ago. Now I’m on the Monday night “work my week around a show” schedule — and thanks to the Writer’s Strike, we now have 24 AND Battlestar airing new episodes in the same week. Let me repeat that: we will have the opportunity to see new episodes of 24 and Battlestar in the same week. That’s like Cosby going into Family Ties going into Cheers going into Night Court. Plus, Big Love and Flight of the Conchords start this week. That’s huge and TV is back and it’s all just in time for the pre-Watchmen movie lull. Fair warning: Connor said that Battlestar is going 3 minutes OVER time this Friday, so watch it live! Sidenote: I’ve never seen Lost but everyone says it’s pretty hot. Same with The Wire. I’ll start Season 1 on DVD this summer. One more thing, it drives me nuts when people refer to “TV” as “Television” or say “Oh, I’ve never seen 24 because I don’t own a television. I’m a big reader.” We’re all big readers. Get behind 24 and watch Jack Bauer stab a guy with a pen.

She’s gonna die.  I’m calling it right now.  Special Agent Renee Walker is going to die by the end of the season.  Why?  Because Larry is the agent on the inside, she’s turning into a loose cannon like Jack that he can’t control, and he’s going to have to “remove the problem.”

And Bill has a new haircut.  And dresses in all black.  SM called it yesterday that Bill would be back by 8.30 – and he was.  With Chloe in tow.  And Tony isn’t a bad guy.  Or is he?  Here’s my question:  Just because you SAY you are in deep cover, does that make it so??  C’mon Jack, trust is a good thing, but remember when you trusted your wife?  Remember when you were all strung out, and you trusted someone in Season 2?  Remember when you trusted your Dad?  Or your brother?  Or the US Government? You don’t have a stellar record for trusting people – so, to all of a sudden decide that because Bill says, “We’re in deep.  No backup. No oversight agency, there’s a conspiracy, and we’re gonna expose it.” is kinda like saying, “There are aliens because you can’t prove to me there aren’t aliens.”

Don’t get me wrong – I freakin’ LOVE it.  The new Bill that’s ready to sacrifice anyone – even Jack – for the sake of the mission?  The Bill that looks like he should be starring in one of those “Viva Viagra” commercials where he’s on stage with a guitar and a 47 year old Botox-ed chick in a Frederick’s of Hollywood stripper dress pole dancing behind him!  He rocks now.  I just want to see him get a little dirty… a little… wetwork.

I would comment how easy it was to get out of FB headquarters, but the number of times people escaped from CTU, FBI should be (and was) a cakewalk.

And, a shoutout to Schadenfriend Matt Leinhart who showed up last night as the white lawyer in the hospital!  He was truly amazing, his look of shock, his ability to be fooled by Agent Garofalo, and the way he carried his briefcase were the hallmarks of a 24 repeat character.  He FIT into that world.  Speaking of which, I don’t know much about hospitals, but when you start squeezing the tubes for a respirator, and cutting off the flow of oxygen to a patient, killing them, shouldn’t an alarm go off BEFORE someone asks the nurses station where that patient is located?  Especially when it’s right ACROSS the nurses station?  Just curious.

Other thoughts – after the jump.

• Jack finally admits, “This is going to hurt.”  Now, c’mon.  Driving a car off the end of a parking garage level, while laying down across the front seat… And he’s able to recover – and Tony firing wildly into the “general area” of the FBI/SWAT team…
• Walker has taken the, “This time it’s personal” banner a little too soon.  Marked for death this one is…
• What happened to Bill’s wife?  Karen was not the woman that would allow Bill galavanting across DC with Chloe.  I think she died as a result of some terrorist act involving needlepoint.
• The actor who plays Sean, who also played Billy on Entourage really has 0 range.  That’s right, 0.  Hmmm, quiet, sarcastic, conniving – seems like the same guy to me.  This role just might kill his career.