Category
Sports
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03.31.08A little Opening Day fun!In celebration of the Cubs beginning yet another march to watching the playoffs on their plasma’s here’s a little clip from Schadenfreude Radio. The experience of watching a Cubs game and a Sox game are linked by a rain delay. This clip contains most of my favorite jokes from Schadenfreude Radio, they’re all right here in a row and keep an ear open for a special appearance by Todd Voorhies! Go Cubs! (why not).
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03.19.08
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02.26.08Heeerreeee Come the Hawks!
The Miggghty Blacccckkhawwwks. Does anyone remember that song? I think it was written by Steve Dahl back in the day. So I was flipping through the channels and I stopped at the Blackhawks game. Yeah, hockey. In Chicago. Go figure. But man, the next few minutes I watched the Hawks score 5 goals. I don’t think I’ve seen 5 goals in my hockey-viewing history. The hawks are actually good. When people say hockey is dead in Chicago, what they really mean is that the Blackhawks suck. Screw the Bulls, the Blackhawks are back. And judging by the douches out front my building wanting to fight me because I asked them to move from in front of the door, the fans are too. So let’s get a group together, shall we? We’ll get our big red jerseys out of storage, go to the West Loop bars and get lit and then go to the UC and have some more and then wrestle each other on the way back to the Metra train, which we didn’t know was so far away.
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02.21.08Using the Superbowl as a Reference
Let me ’splain. Just this morning I’m sitting in a meeting, and without going into terribly boring details, someone asked if a request for an application was even possible. Sure, it was a difficult request, but the response should have been, “Sure Jim, I can’t confirm 100%, but we’ll do our best.” Instead, jackass said, “Hey, anything’s possible. The Giants won the Superbowl, right?” Come ON. The Giants winning the Superbowl is not the watershed moment of “the impossible becoming possible.” It’s not like the Patriots were sitting there with snipers in the balconies taking out Giants players - and the Giants still won. No. Nothing like that at all - besides, the game was 3 weeks ago. Or 2 weeks ago. Or maybe it was a month…. I don’t even remember. Doesn’t matter. A Superbowl reference like that has a limited shelf life. 2 days. The Monday RIGHT after, and then the following weekend of the Superbowl while the meatheads are hanging with their buddies and one of them is making a “bit” about DeVrisvosky hittin’ it with that chick at the bar who KINDA looks like Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct, only a little fatter. That’s the shelf life. This douche can suck it.
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02.21.08So that’s Willie McGee
Being from Missouri, I was a peripheral fan of Willie McGee of the mid-80’s St. Louis Cardinal powerhouse and had this actual card. I found this card online, which just reminded me that I wrote a poem about Willie McGee for Jim Garner’s Bardball. There’s one on there for Vince Coleman as well, if I’m not mistaken, MABYE Tommy Herr? Oohhhhhhhh! Sounds like it just got better!
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02.08.08Super Bowl! Super Country!Now let’s go play a football game! This was the Declaration of Independence video that the NFL and Fox played right before the Super Bowl. You know, the Super Bowl - which is seen by the whole world? Let’s take that time to let people know that we are #1, no matter what you say. This would be great for a history class or a museum, but propoganda when played for no reason in front of a fucking football game. Damn. (thanks to Margie for the link!)
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02.07.08Found it.
This was my most valuable baseball card back in the day, the Eddie Murray Rated Rookie. Not that valuable, though, I think it was like 25 bucks or something, and I got one of those plastic cases to preserve its near mint glory. I think my brother had the Jose Canseco Rated Rookie, or I did and traded him because he loved the A’s, or something. I just looked it up, and now it’s listed as $125. All this nostalgia just from Googling Eddie Murray. We still have those baseball cards, the Star Wars toys and the Mattel cars but the He-Man guys are long gone. Oh, and a ton of Mad magazines along with other Mad magazines that Tommy gave us. So, there’s that.
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02.02.08Superbowl Eve
Twas the day before the Superbowl
And all through the house
Not one single person gave a crap
Not even a mouse.
*Yawn* Superbowl. Last year, I was SUPER excited. Of course I was, the Bears had made it! This year, I don’t know who to root for. Sure, Brady has been playing amazing all season, but I hate New Englanders right now. Especially anyone from Boston. Such a freakin’ attitude. Plus, they got the Celtics. Do they need a Superbowl title? Not really. On the other hand - the Giants? I mean, c’mon. Better the Giants than the Packers - however… the Giants?
Honestly, as always, the only reason to watch the game is because:$170.1 million worth of commercials sold by Fox: There will be 63 ads interrupting the game (or you might say the game will interrupt the 63 commercials), and for each 30-second spot, Fox will collect $2.7 million. Yikes, that’s $90,000 per second.
And you know how I love me some advertising!
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01.24.08I Guess Hitler is a Cowboys Fan.Did you see this yet? Hiter is piiiiisssssseeedddd (thanks to Ray).
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01.16.08This is What We Get?
So the Bulls were outscored 32-10 last night in the 3rd quarter. I know basketball isn’t that funny, but this is worth mentioning that the Bulls are a laughing stock. What a disgrace. This new kid Noah got suspended by his own teammates and then got in a confrontation last night with Ben Wallace in the locker room. Here’s what I’d do if I were GM of the Bulls. I’d go back to the past! I would get Randy Brown out of his asst. managers job at Chili’s to coach the team and I would bring Jud Beuchler from amateur beach volleyball and see if they could get Rodman out of jail. Then I would ask if anyone had seen Craig Hodges. If he’s hanging around, give him a 10 day contract. Then I would go woo Bobby Hansen away from teaching middle school and then I would call Trent Tucker and ask him if he could give up driving trucks for a bit. Then I would see if Dickey Simpkins was able to get out of his payday loan business and give a lifetime contract to Robert Parrish, who I believe owns an indian reservation. Then we would at least have fun with a 14-22 team. A-holes.
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01.15.08Hats off to Goose Gossage!
Congrats to Goose Gossage for his election to the Baseball Hall of fame. My first baseball glove in grade school was Goose’s signed edition, and I looked at his signature right before I’d throw the ball into the dirt. So, a big Schad-out to Goose. Hey Jim Garner — does this garner a special edition on Bardball for this historic event?
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01.03.08Boom Chicago Presents: The Mitchell Report!Boom Chicago, our buds across the pond, put together this reenactment of the famed meeting between Canseco and Clemens. When Schaden-friend Brendan Hunt comes in as the trainer/dealer, I instantly copied the embed code….enjoy.
