Yes! Sandy and I Are Still Married. Thanks Facebook!
Facebook, Pain In My Ass | (7)
You can stop calling, emailing and speculating behind our backs — Sandy and I are still married. I have long suspected that Facebook is more trouble than it’s worth, and yesterday all of my suspicions were confirmed. Here’s what happened: Sandy in an effort to streamline his Facebook profile, removed and altered a bunch of his personal information in order to simplify (after all, do people really need to know if you were raised Methodist and are a fan of bacon?!) He *thought* his had changed the necessary setting to private. Nope. All of his 636 “friends” and all 248 of our “mutual friends” when they logged on yesterday were greeted with the update that “Sandy is no longer married” — which is accompanied by a broken heart symbol (just in case you can’t read). Let the chaos begin. People start emailing and calling him. People start emailing and calling me. Thank God Sandy called me at work and told me what happened BEFORE the calls and emails started coming in. I went to dinner last night with 5 of our mutual friends (Sandy wasn’t there) and I was the last to arrive. A few minutes into dinner, I announced that Sandy and I were still married and half the table admitted that they discussed whether or not they should ask me what was up. Jesus, Facebook! I knew you were going to be a pain in my ass, but this is one scenario I didn’t see coming. Word spreads fast, man. And also, my apologies to all the guys that had a little glimmer of hope and were thinking about asking me to go The Dark Knight this weekend.
As the city keeps adding more and more “red light cameras” at the intersections, I’ve realized that I’ve become a much more dangerous driver. It’s actually promoting the exact opposite of safety — at least for me. When I’m approaching a “camera intersection” and the light is still green I gun it to about 95 mph in order to guarantee that I safely pass though without being photographed (and for intersections like Western and Peterson that’s the only way to do it since it’s the length of a football field!) What would happen if cute little puppy wandered into the path of my drag racing effort? I think it’d still be worth avoiding the $100 fine. And then if there is even a hint of yellow, I jam on the breaks causing a 4 car pile up behind me. Every time. Don’t you think it’s true that sometimes the safest move is to break the law? And isn’t that, in fact, the Chicago way?
