Category
Bits
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05.15.08I’ve missed you.
Have you missed me? In 18 hours I’ll be boarding a plane for Chicago to once again perform with Schadenfreude on their legendary Rent Party Tour, if there’s two places that we rip up. It’s the Hideout and The Gallery Cabaret, and guess what we’ve got coming up? I’m laying out some hard-earned cash for these plane tickets, and if I go to all this trouble and you don’t show up, I’m gonna be pissed. And who needs that? See you there.
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05.14.08Greetings From Athens. Greece. Not Georgia.
Things I’ve learned about Athens so far, include:
1. When people nod their head, they’re saying “No”.
2. Just like we have ads that say “Come to Missouri” & “Enjoy Michigan”, they have a ton of commercials advertising trips to Egypt.
3. CNN is way more depressing here. They spend much more time talking about the depressing stuff that happens all over the world. Not just last night’s primary.
4. There is a “Daily Show Global” that plays on CNN here. Jon Stewart is GLOBAL. Best part? They put a huge disclaimer before it starts telling you that it is not real news — it’s all humor — so don’t get all crazy and think that the photoshopped photo of Hillary on Mars is for real.
5. George Clooney does a bunch of ads for something call Nespresso, which is some sort of instant espresso drink. There are also a bunch of ads with Matthew McConaghay. Weird.
6. This blog is costing me about $37 dollars. No kidding, that’s how much it costs for me to have internet access in my room per day.
7. Almost everyone here in the service industry speaks English. Yet another reminder that we are the only country in the WORLD who only speaks one language. Barely.
8. Although the Euro stabilized Europe, it is completely ripping me off.
9. People smoke all the time — EVERYWHERE! In your face. I’m pretty sure I saw one of the maids smoking while she was cleaning a room down the hall from me.
10. The Greeks really know Chicago. Our waiter the other night lived in Wrigleyville for 14 years. He kept saying “Cubs on WGN!”
More to come. By the by, while I’ve been typing I’ve been watching German MTV and they’ve said the F-Bomb and the N word two times each.
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05.13.08Roberta Jones Even Made it to Empty BottleWhere were you? SHE came all the way up from Dolton. All you had to do was get on the Western bus. Check out some of her stand-up from the Empty Bottle!
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05.09.08
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05.09.08Douche of the Day: Ben & Jerry’s
I’ll admit, I’ve always had a pretty big weakness for ice cream. Every single diet has been blown by giving in to Phish Food, which I continually hope is not named after the jam band, not that it would be surprising. Now, despite the wonder of their ice cream, there’s a 100 douchey things about Ben & Jerry. I mean, they named an ice cream after The Dave Matthews Band. Maybe I should stop there. Also, if McCain wants to turn the tide of the election all he has to do is hold up a picture of Ben & Jerry, or the fake guys that play them and say: This is what America will become if Obama wins. These guys. Maybe I should stop there with the perpetuation of liberal stereotypes, most of which are actually miners and autoworkers with no flowers painted on their faces. Oh, and the plays on words, Cherry Garcia, Martin Luther Cone, Strawberry Death Squad, whatever. But what really annoys me in this incredibly gay rant, is a couple of the new flavors. It used to be they’d mix up a few things and give it a gay name. Chunky Monkey, Chubby Hubby, neither of which contains any actual Monkey or Hubby. Is it just me or is the fact that Cheesecake Brownie combines Cheesecake Ice Cream and Cheesecake Brownies a little uncreative? That’s all. It was either this or get pissed about the Jeremiah Wright bullshit, which is still a story eight fucking weeks later. Has there ever been a cleaner candidate if THAT’s what’s sticking? Let’s develop a Humvee that can run on whacko’s and then go one degree of seperation on Bush and Cheney.
Shock & Almonds combines a tasty swirl of oily fudge in between shia-weet ice cream and sunni-apolitan swirls.
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05.08.08
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05.08.08
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05.06.08Hey Indiana.
For once in your life, don’t fuck this up.
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05.03.08Swedish Erotica #120
In case you were wondering what the Running Order for Swedish Erotica #120 was, it’s: Double Blowjobs, Excellent Job, Good Vibrations, Ladies Room, Unexpected Visits, Sweet Candy, History of Passion, Hot Nurses, and Lap Dancers.
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04.28.08Heather Regan on “Froddage” (NSFW)Webster’s Dictionary defines “froddage” as… You know what. Nevermind. Why we don’t just let Heather Regan explain froddage, and it’s impact on you. You have no idea what you might miss if you don’t make it to the Red Line Tap on Saturday…. And by NSFW - if you have problems seeing the word “cock-noogie” on screen, or audio involving the word “handjob” - then wait until you get home to watch.
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04.11.08Douche of the Day: Hotmail
Remember Hotmail? Hotmail was my first email accountin college, received shortly after Fred Mowery said “here, let me show you what the internet is…” You used to type in your username and password and bingo! You’ve got mail. I still have a hotmail account which I use to sign up for porn sites and the ACLU, but what happened to Hotmail? It’s now this whole Windows Live experience and twelve passwords and do you want to go to MSN.com? Hey, Hotmail, not everything on the internet needs to be an “experience.” No every site has to manage my life, I appreciate that I can use your program to shop and read the news and make a powerpoint and access the webcam in my neighbor’s shower, but I’d like to read my mail. If I want a book I’ll got to Amazon, if I want the weather, I’m sure there’s a site for that with the word “weather” in the URL. It’s amazing that the most radical thing in the current era of web 2.0 is pages like Google and Gmail and Schadenfreude. Plain and simple.
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04.09.08Guest Blogger: Mi Favoritas
All year long we are having guest bloggers regale us with stories of 10 years of Schad. Today, Josh K. goes over some of his favorite b-side stage bits.
Having seen most every Schadenfreude show over the past ten years, I’ve decided to give a quick rundown of my own personal favorites in a series of posts. Now, like the latest Oasis record, this series is not meant as a “Best of” compilation, but rather a brief snapshot into a vast and overpowering arsenal of solid “B” work. Hey… we all know that for every “Wonderwall” there has to be a “Magic Pie” (if you catch my drift). But by maintaining solid “I Hope I Think I Know” work over the past ten years, Schadenfreude has built up quite a catalogue of memorable and lovable “hits.”
Shit, it’s really just the U2 formula – have three good songs on each record and in twenty fucking years you can have enough decent material to put out a double disc… then a “live” double disc… then a movie soundtrack… then a ‘best of’ B-sides bullshit with new single… then someone records a tribute record… then a re-release of the past ten records with outtakes… then a collaborative iTunes-only single … then an IMAX movie… God, write some new material already.
To kick off the series, I’ll start with an easy one: my favorite characters (in no particular order).
Christopher Kris: “Hello, hello, hello…” Kris makes me laugh on paper, on stage and on radio. Plus, his tagline is priceless.
Justin’s “Hippie”: Having grown up in the same household, I can safely say he nails it! The Hippie is a glimpse into our Wonder Lake block parties circa 1984.
Scruffy McMuffin: A rare Schadenfreude character solely based on costume – a nice change up from the norm.
Phie Phie Renault: One word, versatility. Foreign accent, soaring voice, hilarious songs. Kate can do it all!
Richard Marx: “No, it don’t mean nothin’”
Todd Voorhies: Come on! He works for Duraflame.
Danny Fine: Such a brilliant character b/c you can put him in any scene and he’s still fucking clueless. Yet, at the same time, he’s very “real” and isn’t far off from a lot of actors I’ve met.
Sandy’s Grandma: Stupid.
Kate’s Floyd Collins singer Kat McKennit: A lot of funny bits throughout the whole sketch, but Kate steals the show!
Adam’s Republican from the Micah sketch: So many great lines, “three card dogs in the bathtub”… “Billary Clinton”… “Well, nanoo nanoo.”
Stephe: He perseveres… even with diabetes.
