Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer reporting in from the newly liberated Buckeye State of Ohio.   No, not from Obama, or the Libyans or whoever the bad guys are supposed to be now.  Me and my fellow Ohioans are finally free from the grip of the Evil Public Unions. Like lots of other states, Ohio’s in the red big time – we’re something like a trillion bucks in debt and can’t afford anything.  I’ll give you one guess whose fault that is – say it with me – LIBERALS.   Tax and spend Liberals, to be precise.  Too many giveaways for too long, and now look what’s happened.  Honest corporations are getting hit with too many taxes and are flocking to places like Florida and Texas, cause they don’t have any income tax and things are booming.

Luckily, we Conservatives kicked ass in November.  So we got Governor John Kaisch, an honest businessman and smart guy who’s gonna get us out of the hole.  First up – knock the Evil Public Unions down a notch.  Now, as a rule, unions aren’t all bad. I’m in the local tuckpointers union, not because I want to be, but because Richie says I have to if I want to do any work in Cleveland.  Which is dumb, but whatever, Richie’s lined me up with some good gigs like when we demolished the old Municipal Stadium.  Anyway,its a PRIVATE union.  Meaning it isn’t tax payer funded like the teacher, firefighter or cop unions.

Governor Kaisch knows that teachers and firefighters are living the high life in Ohio.  They’ve got these crazy pensions and make 5 figures, from what I hear.  And I’m paying for it?  Uh-uh.  So Kaisch kicked in with Senate Bill 5 (SB5). That means you can still have meetings and charge dues, but you can’t bargain and you have to do whatever he says.  In other words, UNION BUSTED.  And its the right thing to do, to get the budget under control and because Rush says so.  Teacher Unions are like Terrorists, in that they use children to get what they want.  Just like Obama wants!  So I can’t see any need for teacher unions.

Well…

So, my wife Sadie teaches Speech and Theater over at Lakewood High.  A couple of years ago she had this kid in her class, some punk with a mohawk who didn’t want to be in school.  He was giving her all sorts of headaches, trying to ruin her class.  One day she came home upset…turns out the punk called her a bitch to her face.

Let me tell you something, jack.  NO ONE says anything like that to my Sadie.  I decided to have a little “chat” with the young man, so I drove the F150 over to the school and waited outside in the parking lot.  Sure enough, the little shit came out the back door, started smoking a cigarette.  I cornered him by the flag pole and pulled my tuckpointing trowel on’em.

I told him that I was going to tuckpoint his face off if he didn’t apologize to my wife pronto.  He got real scared and ran off.  Mission accomplished!  Or so I thought.  Next night, Sadie came home staring daggers at me.  The kid went to the principal and told him that Sadie and me were going to kill him or something.  Which is bullshit, but sure enough Sadie was in deep trouble.  There was a hearing and for awhile we were sweating it out that she’d get fired.  That would’ve been really bad, ’cause Sadie’s salary keeps the house going most of the time when I’m in between tuckpointing gigs.  But her teachers union brought in some hot shot lawyer, who made the kid look like a reject and got her off with a fine and a warning.  That lawyer was pretty awesome; he got me a suspended sentence when I was arrested and rung up in court for assault.  He even sprung for a marriage counselor afterward when Sadie wanted to split – that worked out good and she’s more in love with me than ever.   I think.

So, the moral of the story is…teacher unions shouldn’t be able to collective bargain, but they’re good for lawyers and getting out of a jam.  Maybe they aren’t that evil. At least not in Ohio.  Wisconsin, though is another story.  We’ll save that one for later.  Obama’s probably behind those guys 100% – and you know that can’t be good.

Listen, I’ve got some emailing to do – the local GOP says we should start making up Google and Yahoo accounts so we can send supportive emails to Kaisch and Gov. Walker in Wisconsin, so I gotta get to typing.  Till next time, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.

Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer here trying to keep on believing in beautiful Cleveland, Ohio.  Gotta be honest, I’m feeling really let down by the House GOP.  I’m glad they repealed Obamacare right away, but the reality is unless the Senate pulls it too (yeah, right) we’re stuck till the next election cycle.  What’s worse, I don’t get why Boehner doesn’t start the impeachment hearings against the “President”.  See, I use “quotes” ’cause Obama shouldn’t even be able to hold office.  That should be enough but even Cantor said Obama’s legit.  So we’re stuck.  There’s probably some behind the scene’s stuff going on.  Remember that Obama’s the “President”, but that also means he’s The President, and he can have the Secret Service come pay you a visit.   Ask Peyton Manning.

That’s right, sports fans.  Last weekend was the  Superbowl, and this year the big game was between Green Bay and…Pittsburgh.  Hated, hated, Pittsburgh.  If there’s one thing I hate more than Obama, its the Pittsburgh Steelers.  And wouldn’t you know it, Obama LOVES the Steelers.  So much that he’s always rooting for them.  Rooting for scum bags like Harrison and the cad Roethlisberger who can’t keep his hands off the ladies.  No morals whatever, not that it matters to Steelers fans, as long as they win.  Unlike Cleveland fans, who are world class.

So of course I had to root for the Packers, but would it really matter?  You better bet ol’ Obama was going to interfere again.  He likes to interfere with big American institutions like the Free Market, the Superbowl, the Olympics…he just can’t help himself.   I’m not exactly a Green Bay fan, but I have to root against the Steelers no matter what.  Unless they’re playing the Baltimore Ravens.  Then I can only hope they destroy each other.  Burn in Hell Art Modell!

Sorry.

But as always, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel for this Conservative.  I was looking over the roster of the Packers, and found the blood of the Browns flowing through their best player!  I’m talking about Clay Matthews Jr – son of the greatest Browns D-back of all time, Clay Matthews Sr.  Check it out – he looks like Conan the Barbarian:

Even though the Browns have sucked for the past 13 years, they would have  a chance to beat the Steelers in the Super Bowl through the sire of Clay Sr.  And you know what?  The Matthews are CONSERVATIVES.  I know that because I bought a truck a few years back from the old man.  All small business owners are conservative, and that’s something you pass down to your kids.  At least, I think that’s how it works.   Sure enough, in the big game Clay Jr. forced an interception, and that was all the Pack needed to beat the Stillers.  As the clock was clicking down, I half expected that Obama would give the order to start picking off the Packers, or just implode the entire stadium so that it would at least be a No Contest.  And I’m sure he was behind some of their guys getting hurt earlier.  But the Browns/Packers wouldn’t be denied.   Even Obama can’t get away with that. So, World Champs Baby!  Sort of.  Time to start rubbing it in on the pathetic Pittspuke fans. As for Herr Dictator, better luck next year.  And stop saying the Bears are your home team.  These guys are.

I gotta run…Sadie says there’s a big sale on Power Bars at Giant Eagle.  They’ve kind of become a staple in the Tuckpointer household.  If I don’t get there soon, they’ll be picked over and I’m sick of the blueberry ones.  Till next time, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.

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…here’s some cold weather secrets to help you as winter approaches.

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Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer here with…well…some scary news.   I’ve been cooling my jets at home, after the  tuckpointing gig closed up early at the Terminal Tower.  Sadie’s not too happy with me buying Browns season tickets, but I’ve managed to secure some income for the time being.   I went with Don down to the unemployment office to help him with his paperwork, and decided I’d be stupid to not fill some out for myself.  Better me than some welfare mom, right?   And I’m gonna pay it all back, too.  Its just a loan.  Don’t worry Glenn, I won’t become a “99er”.    I’m looking for work right now.

So I heard about this Mosque being built on top of the remains of the World Trade Center, and how Hussein Obama is all for it.   I get that the Constitution says that you can practice whatever religion you want, but this is different.   The guys who wrote the Constitution didn’t know what Islam was.   If they did, and they knew how crazy Muslim terrorists are, they would have written something like “All can worship freely unless you’re a Muslim, then you get lost.”  Something like that.

Emotions are running raw, and it looks like there’s not a whole lot anyone can do about it…but my sources tell me there’s more to this “community center” than meets the eye.  Check it out:

Friends, you may think its just a toy, but this “Terrordome” represents what is really hiding inside the Ground Zero Mosque.  Less than 2 blocks away from where they’re building a new World Trade Center, is a building likely housing secret laser turrets and missile launchers, capable of hitting any GI Joe vehicles…I mean, New York Landmarks.  And look at all of the places where Al Queida can be hiding.  They’re probably gonna have some of those armored hang gliders with little machine guns too.  I had one of these growing up, and it’s loaded.  I’m pretty sure Obama, the secret Muslim, is funding and helping them build it.  Location is the key.

Well, to quote Sarah Palin – “Don’t retreat, reload!”  We gotta get ready for this upcoming terrorist onslaught.  The dumb ass mayor of New York is ok with this, but as conservatives we gotta buy more guns and…shit, I don’t know.  Get a bow like Rambo?  The stormtroopers are coming at any time now, its just a matter of when.  If Obama’s giving them advanced weapons like a H.I.S.S. tank, or even a F.A.N.G, regular guns aren’t going to cut it.  Maybe its time for me and some other Tuckpointers to start a resistance group.    This gave me some inspiration…for the singing, replace “Cobra” with “Obama”.  (I’m totally Snake-Eyes, by the way).

Sheesh.   In any case, if we conservatives keep up the pressure, we still can stop Obama and his Al Queida super Mosque.    Spread the word – the more people we clue in, we’ll eventually win the battle.  And Learning is Half the Battle.  Wait, I did it wrong…

Till next time, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off…

Chicago Sun-Times Columnist Terry Savage recalls a story in a recent column about stopping to buy lemonade from three young girls in a north shore neighborhood, only to become appalled and outraged to learn that the girls were giving away the lemonade for free.

Savage explains: “That really set me off, as my regular readers can imagine. ‘No!’ I exclaimed from the back seat. ‘That’s not the spirit of giving. You can only really give when you give something you own. They’re giving away their parents’ things — the lemonade, cups, candy. It’s not theirs to give.’”

She continues: “No wonder America is getting it all wrong when it comes to government, and taxes, and policy. We all act as if the ‘lemonade’ or benefits we’re ‘giving away’ is free.”

Savage’s lessons in capitalism: “If we can’t teach our kids the basics of running a lemonade stand, how can we ever teach Congress the basics of economics?”

I think Savage doesn’t go far enough. Not only can the girls not give away something that’s not theirs, shouldn’t they also have to buy the lemonade mix, the water and cups from their parents before they can then resell them for a profit? I mean, if you really want to teach them there’s no free lunch, then they should pay a 10% above wholesale price for the raw materials before then marking it up to a retail price. Also, they’ll need to pay a contractor for the  build out of the lemonade stand and a designer for the signage. Plus, you mention that this was on the North Shore, so they should pay a pretty high rent for their prime location as well. Also, they need to keep track of their expenses. They can write off a percentage of the cost of equipment purchased to make the Lemonade. I’m not sure that exact number. They’ll need to check with their accountant.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had some tough words for North Korea over the sinking of a South Korean navy ship.

Immediately after, North Korea hired Bill Clinton as an advisor.

Also… North Korea’s response to this was “Should South Korea take steps to retaliate, North Korea will “strongly react to them with such merciless punishment as…”

Such merciless punishment? Someone’s testing out lines from their new action movie script. I’m looking at you Kim Jong Il.

Merciless punishment. That’s awesome. Nick Cage – I’ve got a line for you to use in your next movie.