Who remembers this tune? You have to if you were a boy in the 80s. The greatest movie (other than Top Gun) ever released during the 80s was “Transformers: The Movie.” Why? Because Optimus Prime died, and that was the first time I cried in a movie. I admit it, seeing his brightly red/blue colored body turn dark and decayed because of his battle with Megatron (which I had been following ever-so-closely for years) led to his death.

Sad. If you don’t think so, you have no heart.

The most memorable tune from that movie is Stan Bush’s “The Touch*“. Not a great song, but made great because of the scene it underscored:

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Seriously. Why can’t all movies have at least one AWESOME scene like this? Optimus was the original Jack Bauer. Do you see how much ass he kicked?

So, after the success of the FIRST “Bay-tastic” Transformers, Stan Bush had an idea. Why not feature my song in the NEW (Revenge of the Fallen) movie, you know, as homage. And because I need the cash.

Honest thought. However, he at least realized that maybe the song needs a little ‘updating’ – so he hired some local musicians/Jimmy Johns workers and another vocalist (you’ll see why) and put together THIS masterpiece. After all, nothing could have made that movie worse, right?

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Yikes. That makes me die a little bit inside.

But that’s just me. Maybe I’m missing something – so here’s the question:
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*=The song was originally written for the Sylvester Stallone film Cobra. (Thanks Wikipedia!)

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So we’ve talked all week about the awesome line-up at the Schad Rent Party this weekend. But none will be bigger than the biggest superstar 80′s metal ever produced. Lita Ford in the house at the Gallery Cab? Uh-huh. It ain’t no big thing. Now go hump that guitar Lita!

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It’s been a while. Sorry about that. Now that we are done with our WTTW pilot taping, we can get back to the more important things in life: surfing YouTube for awesome 80′s ballads. How did I miss this one? It has a lady. It has really bad graphics. It has a limber (ish) Nikki Sixx. It has pagan ritual. Enjoy.

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Let’s get back to some serious 80′s ballads. This is one of the better ones just because it blends the sappy message ballad with a jog down cliche’ lane. Yeah, children. They are the future. I wonder how much tail they got from this song. And I wonder how many times that lead singer cried in studio singing this. Hey, I’m all about messages. But seriously, just do your dances in your nuthuggers and be a 80′s rock star. That’s all we want.

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This is a departure, but only because it might be the best video of the 80′s. It combines hot star, soundtrack tune, clips from the movie and a new plot that has nothing to do with the movie but has all the players in it. Can you guess? That’s right – Ally and the gang in “Who’s Johnny”. This is for all those who didn’t like the 80′s ballad and like El Debarge instead.

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Look at the hair on display here.  No weird plots, just awesome hair.

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And then walks in a muddy cornfield for a while without her baby. Ah, a classic ballad here. I usually leave the critique to the video but this song is really, really bad. I love that Warrant is all about the ladies and their pain. Then of course, they dive in for the Cherry Pie. Very quick note: at the end when the “hero” returns, the baby is now walking as to let us know that time has passed. So she was alone for a year or so in this video. And most of the time, she’s crying. So the song should be called “Most of the Time She Cries”.

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This was on my bookmarks all week. I looked at it, biting my lip in anticipation for today.  It’s been a week. Therefore, it’s time for 80′s Ballad Friday!!!!!  This week comes from Mike who reminded us last week of the wonderful world of Nelson. This isn’t as much a ballad although it is pretty fruity.  They had the biggest tune in the world with Love and Affection so they got super into themselves for the follow-up video.  Is this what Ricky Nelson was like as a Dad? Best teen-angst-saved -by-two-dudes-who-look-like-chick videos of all time..

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