Weekend Filler
Apparently the key to convincing your audience that what you are saying in your commercial is sincere is to immediately look off camera at the end of your line.
Is it me or do my co-workers just not get me??
Here are a couple of jokes I made during my last teleconference with my “team” both of which were met with dead silence.
First, the director of our department (our boss) mentioned how he wanted to engage a means of communicating with one another that is really cutting edge. One that that no other dept. in [...]
Candy-gram!
Quick, when I say Landshark what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Right, the Jimmy Buffet/Margaritaville Enterprise beer of the same name brewed by Anheuser Busch. I mean, what else would you think about?
Okay maybe you’re really hip and with it so you just happen to know that Landshark is the new name for [...]
Back When They Knew How to Fake Spontaneity
Look, even if this was staged, rehearsed or otherwise planned it’s still great television. You watch this and you really get the feeling that something genuinely hilarious is happening – even if it wasn’t genuine.
Smashing eggs in each other’s pants? Come on, that’s funny. And if Conan or Jay tried this today it would just [...]
Banned In Britain
Trust me, it’s not as sexy as it sounds.
Apparently the government of the mother land has issued a list of people banned from the country. I already checked – you’re not on it, sorry. Now I’ve never been kicked out of anywhere. Okay, that’s a lie. I was kicked out of a snobby pastry shop [...]
Huge nerd, yes?
There are a two things you should know about me. First, I’m a greatest hits kind of guy. I would rather just wait until the compilation is released. I have little interest in exploring anyone’s B side. Second, I’m always impressed by celebrity – on any level. I enjoy seeing the John Kapelos’ of the [...]
Red Bull Gives You Wings – and A Boner!
In case you were wondering what the secret ingredient in Red Bull is, apparently it’s Viagra! I just saw a commercial that more than suggested that drinking Red Bull will give you an erection. No, seriously, I did. The commercial takes place at a nude beach and a woman gives a guy a Red Bull, [...]
What if she lost all the weight and it turned out that she didn’t have a pretty face?
Maybe I shouldn’t admit this openly but I’ can’t be the only guy who watches “The Biggest Loser” half wondering which one of the chicks on there will lose enough weight to end up hot enough to want to boink. Sadly this round of contestants aren’t holding much promise. And while we’re at it: What [...]
Oh I get it, ask the black guy who he thinks is going to win the basketball game.
No one has ever called me a liberal – and that’s by design – but I gotta tell ya I felt a little uneasy every time some news guy would talk about President Obama’s NCAA bracket. Sorry but that’s just bad form, unless of course you’ll be asking him who he has picked to win [...]
Kim Jong-Il is hoping for a PS2
Look, I understand the desire not to want to give the same old presents year after year. I mean really, you can have too many ceremonial headdresses. But Barry, come on now, DVD’s and an Ipod? Stop giving things you find in the presidential Escalade limousine as gifts to world leaders. It’s just embarrassing.
You’ve Been Punk’d!
Look, I like watching a good football to the groin as much as anyone. As a matter of fact if America’s Funniest Videos ever did a retrospective of nothing but guys taking nut shots I am pretty sure that would be the funniest hour of television ever. Just thinking about it makes me want to [...]