Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer reporting in from the newly liberated Buckeye State of Ohio. No, not from Obama, or the Libyans or whoever the bad guys are supposed to be now. Me and my fellow Ohioans are finally free from the grip of the Evil Public Unions. Like lots of other states, Ohio’s in the red big time – we’re something like a trillion bucks in debt and can’t afford anything. I’ll give you one guess whose fault that is – say it with me – LIBERALS. Tax and spend Liberals, to be precise. Too many giveaways for too long, and now look what’s happened. Honest corporations are getting hit with too many taxes and are flocking to places like Florida and Texas, cause they don’t have any income tax and things are booming.
Luckily, we Conservatives kicked ass in November. So we got Governor John Kaisch, an honest businessman and smart guy who’s gonna get us out of the hole. First up – knock the Evil Public Unions down a notch. Now, as a rule, unions aren’t all bad. I’m in the local tuckpointers union, not because I want to be, but because Richie says I have to if I want to do any work in Cleveland. Which is dumb, but whatever, Richie’s lined me up with some good gigs like when we demolished the old Municipal Stadium. Anyway,its a PRIVATE union. Meaning it isn’t tax payer funded like the teacher, firefighter or cop unions.
Governor Kaisch knows that teachers and firefighters are living the high life in Ohio. They’ve got these crazy pensions and make 5 figures, from what I hear. And I’m paying for it? Uh-uh. So Kaisch kicked in with Senate Bill 5 (SB5). That means you can still have meetings and charge dues, but you can’t bargain and you have to do whatever he says. In other words, UNION BUSTED. And its the right thing to do, to get the budget under control and because Rush says so. Teacher Unions are like Terrorists, in that they use children to get what they want. Just like Obama wants! So I can’t see any need for teacher unions.
So, my wife Sadie teaches Speech and Theater over at Lakewood High. A couple of years ago she had this kid in her class, some punk with a mohawk who didn’t want to be in school. He was giving her all sorts of headaches, trying to ruin her class. One day she came home upset…turns out the punk called her a bitch to her face.
Let me tell you something, jack. NO ONE says anything like that to my Sadie. I decided to have a little “chat” with the young man, so I drove the F150 over to the school and waited outside in the parking lot. Sure enough, the little shit came out the back door, started smoking a cigarette. I cornered him by the flag pole and pulled my tuckpointing trowel on’em.
I told him that I was going to tuckpoint his face off if he didn’t apologize to my wife pronto. He got real scared and ran off. Mission accomplished! Or so I thought. Next night, Sadie came home staring daggers at me. The kid went to the principal and told him that Sadie and me were going to kill him or something. Which is bullshit, but sure enough Sadie was in deep trouble. There was a hearing and for awhile we were sweating it out that she’d get fired. That would’ve been really bad, ’cause Sadie’s salary keeps the house going most of the time when I’m in between tuckpointing gigs. But her teachers union brought in some hot shot lawyer, who made the kid look like a reject and got her off with a fine and a warning. That lawyer was pretty awesome; he got me a suspended sentence when I was arrested and rung up in court for assault. He even sprung for a marriage counselor afterward when Sadie wanted to split – that worked out good and she’s more in love with me than ever. I think.
So, the moral of the story is…teacher unions shouldn’t be able to collective bargain, but they’re good for lawyers and getting out of a jam. Maybe they aren’t that evil. At least not in Ohio. Wisconsin, though is another story. We’ll save that one for later. Obama’s probably behind those guys 100% – and you know that can’t be good.
Listen, I’ve got some emailing to do – the local GOP says we should start making up Google and Yahoo accounts so we can send supportive emails to Kaisch and Gov. Walker in Wisconsin, so I gotta get to typing. Till next time, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.