Everything I need is on the internet anyway. Just last night as I was putting my kids to bed I fired up the computer and read “Good Night Moon” to them. Sure, the powercord got in the way and the pictures took too long to load, but I used technology. Books are sooooo 1900 B.C.

I’ll never forget the look of disappointment on my daughter’s face when she got her first, useless, wasteful library card. As she roamed the children’s section so she could pick out the book that she wanted, and that she could read repeatedly for weeks, I calmly (but with exclamation points!.&*^%) explained that she was wasting her time, my time and Chicago citizen’s money.

So suck it, Dewey Decimal. Chicago needs Red Light Cameras, Blue Bags and Street Cleaning much more than non-revenue generating (if you exclude 2 million dollars in fines every year) libraries.