I have to admit, I like not watching last week, and just wondering where they were going to be this week. Maybe Greece? Maybe Italy? NO! Istanbul! Land of love and magic carpets and stereotypes.
Thank you for starting with the drama! I thought this was just going to be another boring episode except this time, in Turkey! Where, according to Ali, people live! But no – it turns out that everyone’s favorite bad guy, Rated-R is a *SPOILER ALERT* cheating asshole. At least that’s what the
actress, er, girlfriend said on the phone. And then Ali puts on her brave face, and Steve Gadlin watches from the sidelines, and they discuss this dude. And they use an iPhone (an old one), and they have proof! Phone calls! Pictures! DRAMA!
After that, the show dwindled back to a bunch of dates. The only highlight of the Wrestler/Ali fight: We find out that Ali gave up her job. And her apartment. She gave up EVERYTHING to be here to find a husband. In case you, or anyone else was wondering.
So, after all the DRAMA – Ali goes on a date with Ali. To A Turkish Bath House. Apparently, the producers didn’t know that having sex in a bath house is reserved for dudes. They go to dinner, and Ty reveals that women are people too! They are presidents of companies! They have lives! They EXIST! And this is the rallying speech, much like St. Crispin’s Day in Henry V, that gets Ali’s heart. What a true modern man. Ali buys it hook, line and sinker and even suggests that having been married before, he’s MORE prepared to be married again. *sigh* And, after Turkish Delights, he gets a rose.
So the Craig 1, Craig 2, Kirk, and Roberto, go on a date where the have to Gladiator-battle for Ali’s heart. And the dudes who were pissed that there was a girl in their bath house show up, all oiled up (including their pants – THEIR PANTS WERE OILED UP) and try to kill the dudes. Then, they wrestle. THEN – they wrestle each other. The Lawyer, Craig 1, wins. So he gets 1-1 time. Other stuff happens, etc. etc.
1-on-1 Of the Orgy Date (#2 for Ali):
Fireworks. And… That’s about it. I have NOTHING else to say of this date with Craig 1.
1-on-1 Date (#3 for Ali):
So the tramp goes out on ANOTHER date. They got a Bazaar, and for the sake of all the men watching the show, they put Ali in a Jasmine from Aladdin costume for a quick minute. THEN, the producers get tricky, and they do a whole bit about Frank not buying a rug… “I’m not gonna buy a rug.” “I’m not gonna buy a rug.” “I’m not gonna buy a rug.” Oh wait, they walk out with the rug. On which they consummate their relationship. And buy consummate, I mean eat dinner. And then Frank makes his “Romeo at Juliet’s Family Crypt Speech” lamenting about how much he loves her… AND SHE BUYS IT. Seriously, I’m contacting this girl and telling her she really needs to invest in Kinifter Pins for the future of car safety and that I put my whole heart into developing it.
The Rose Ceremony:
This week is just FULL of surprises – NO COCKTAIL PARTY! Apparently we spent so much time dealing with Rated-R that the producers decided to skip watching the boys drink cocktails, and jumping right to the part where Ali kicks one of them off. Boom. My only wish is that, for Jeff’s sake next week, someone else has a girlfriend back home, so that HE can watch this awesome Cheaters drama that I got. So yadda yadda, she gives two out, and Steve Gadlin shows up to tell us that there is only one rose left (Thank you!). And then – what?! The lawyer who wrestles with words, after defeating his brethren in olive oil goodness, gets the boot.