Something to gush about

Hey, Trendsetters. Looking for the new “it” thing? Look no further than that monthly Rorschach pattern in your panties. That’s right. This summer’s hot new trend is your little friend. Your Aunt Flo, your dot, your Red River, your visitor. Periods have never been bigger. Everyone is gushing about it.

Once a cause for shame, bed rest, catcalls (“What are you on your period?”) and great hilarity in movies marketed to teen-aged boys, menstruation has gotten a makeover. Kotex has introduced whimsical neon applicators and sassy day glo packaging, and a spokesperson with a Juno-esque dry wit who waxes ironically about dry weave.

This trend watcher predicts competing period-based reality programs: “American Midol,” “16 and Bleeding,” “The Real Pre-Menopausal Housewives of New York City,” and “The Hills (Are Swollen and Tender).”

Thirtysomething women have never been more en vogue with a sort of OG retro suave when it comes to the rag, boasting a dexterity with menstrual mobility that teens and college girls can’t fake.

“Psh. Periods?” they say. “I’ve had that for 22 years.”