As you know, Schadenfreude.net Reader, last night was the first round of the NFL Draft. Since I’ve already posted two other sports related posts, I’ve put myself into a box from which I’ll never escape.
I give you my report card for the first round of the 2010 NFL Draft.
- To the NFL for encouraging a bunch of egotistical spoiled brats by giving them millions of dollars and a sense of entitlement.
- To Tim Tebow for bringing a little God to the draft. We don’t hear enough about God in America right now.
- To Roger Goodell for correctly pronouncing Ndamukong Suh — this years #2 draft pick.
- To Ndamukong Suh for having a name that means “House of Spears.”
Meaty, meaty man love.
- To the official NFL Draft hat. It’s the first hat in several years that doesn’t make the players look like clowns.
- To Roger Goodell and Derrick Morgan for sharing their love with the world.
- To the NFL for handing out jerseys with the number 1 on them to every player even though we all know they’ll never wear that number.
- To the term “character issues” because it means nothing if the guy is a superstar.
- To the ridiculous number of pinstriped suits. You’re football players, not mob bosses.
- To Ndamukong Suh’s parents for not making it more clear that their son is a house of spears.
- To Chris Berman for not sweating more.
- To the NFL for scheduling this on a Thursday night during two new hilarious episodes of 30 Rock requiring me to do actual research since I didn’t watch a second of the draft.