Listen Up, Concertgoers.

Fellow concertgoers, I need you to stop doing the following things immediately.

  • Standing so close to me that I can taste your breath.
  • Attempting to have a conversation with the performers between songs.

    Stop doing that

  • Giving me the evil eye when we are all asked to sing by the performer and I actually sing.
  • Asking me the name of every single song.
  • Wearing those pants like that.
  • Using Shazam to figure out the name to every song now that I’m ignoring you.
  • Talking.
  • Offering to massage my thigh even if it is totally cramping for standing for so long.
  • Shouting the name of your favorite song even after it’s already been played.
  • Making me regret that I like this band because I have to hang out with you for two hours.

Thank you and happy Earth Day.