Fellow concertgoers, I need you to stop doing the following things immediately.
- Standing so close to me that I can taste your breath.
- Attempting to have a conversation with the performers between songs.
Stop doing that
- Giving me the evil eye when we are all asked to sing by the performer and I actually sing.
- Asking me the name of every single song.
- Wearing those pants like that.
- Using Shazam to figure out the name to every song now that I’m ignoring you.
- Offering to massage my thigh even if it is totally cramping for standing for so long.
- Shouting the name of your favorite song even after it’s already been played.
- Making me regret that I like this band because I have to hang out with you for two hours.
Thank you and happy Earth Day.