Let’s Help Rush Find Good, Non-Socialist Healthcare

Every time I’m doing something useful, like tending to the plants I keep in my closet, my conservalarm goes off. It’s this flashing blue light I keep on the desk in my library. It flashes usually when the police are driving by. But it also notifies me when ignorant wonks like Rush, Glenn or Fred the Tuckpointer start spitting their fearful screed at me.

My friend Fred seems all worked up that some good old entitlement has been served up an eco-friendly plate. I haven’t had health insurance for years, and it’s not because I’m poor, unemployed or a working college student who can’t afford health care. It’s because as a liberal, I’m exercising my right to not be held accountable for my actions. I just go to the emergency room when I get a cold. No more. Now I’m taking my absolutely 100% free healthcare and getting help for the headaches I get from reading Tolstoy over and over. I guess my friend Fred the Tuckpointer wouldn’t know much about healthcare, because he’s never needed a doctor. Except for that one time he read my bible, also known as the DaVinci Code, and got chest pains.

Which brings me to Rush. Mr. Limbaugh has a dilemma. He said he’d leave the country if healthcare passed. Then it was clarified that he simply meant he’d go to other countries for his healthcare. He mentioned Costa Rica as the place he’d visit. The problem is Costa Rica has universal (read: socialist) healthcare.

So I thought I might help Rush by providing a list of places that don’t have socialized healthcare, so he can feel good about his choice and avoid supporting a fascist, socialist, nazi country that takes care of its citizens, no matter how much weed they smoke.

Here’s a list of places, Rush, which do not have socialized, universal healthcare. Check ‘em out.

    Somalia

  • Cons: Islamic militants run amok, occasionally kidnap and behead westerners.
  • Pros: They don’t have socialized healthcare.
    Nigeria

  • Cons: People kill each other with Machetes.
  • Pros: They don’t have socialized healthcare.
    Tajikistan

  • Cons: Has socialized healthcare.
  • Pros: socialized healthcare is offset by extremely high incidences of waterborne diseases, malaria and high infant mortality rate.

I’ll continue to research and add to this list. Gotta run now. I’m upgrading the RAM on my MacbookPro and getting my recalled Prius fixed. Ugh, consumerism.

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