An Open Letter to My Spleen

Dear My Spleen,
I would first like to thank you for your 30+ years of service.  You have been a fine spleen and I’m grateful to have you as a tenant in my body.  However, I must admit that I have no idea what you do.  You’re much like that guy at work who doesn’t seem to have any actual responsibilities but has a window office so you assume he’s important.  Except your name is more fun to say.  Spleen.  Tom.  Spleen.  Tom.  You see what I mean.

Anyway, I wanted to recognize your service to my body which has remained relatively healthy up to this point in my life.  In fact, I’ve had no spleen-related issues and I thank you for that.  I would like to maintain our healthy relationship because a splenectomy sounds painful.  It is also much less fun to say than spleen.  Please don’t consider that a threat.

Pardon my unprofessionalism, My Spleen, but I just checked Wikipedia.  It tells me that you filter my red blood cells (with whom I am also on good terms, thanks to you it seems) and play an important role in fighting infection.  I apologize for not checking earlier, though I am a little disturbed at how your Wikipedia entry is very horse-centric.  I guess horses need spleens too.  In fact, it’s just another indication of your importance to life across the globe.  Well done, My Spleen, I have a new found respect for you and your kind.

My Spleen, keep up the good work and I’ll keep doing my best to make your job easy (is there a Wikipedia page for that?).  Also, apologize to My Liver for me.  It’s a hard time for him between St. Patrick’s Day, the NCAA Tournament and my crippling loneliness.

Your Host,