Your Can’t Miss NCAA Bracket Tips

Last night the Men’s NCAA Tournament Brackets were announced.  As you may know, I am one of the world’s leading experts in… well… nothing.  That won’t keep me from giving you my tips for filling out a bracket that will win you all the money in your office pool.

My can’t lose NCAA Tournament Bracket Picks:

  • The sites in the Midwest bracket are prone to bad weather and high winds.  Take this in to consideration when making your picks.
  • UTEP stands for University of The Endless Pancake.  Their players tend to be slow and overweight.
  • Tennessee doesn’t actually exist.
  • The National Champion always has blue in their uniforms.  Make sure you know every team’s colors.
  • If you can’t decide between the 8 or 9 seed, go back to bed and wake up when you’re capable of making a freaking decision.
  • Rebounds are crucial for a winning team.  Be sure to check TMZ to find out which players recently got dumped.
  • When in doubt go with the Tigers.
  • Basketball smarts are a key component to a good team.  Check the teams’ GPAs.  Pick whichever team is above 1.0.
  • Buy low, sell high.
  • Set your hot tub time machine to April 5, 2010, get a completed bracket and bring it back to now.  We’ll wait.
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