Can I Write My Autobiography Now? … How About Now?


Just let me know. I really want to get on it. I’m not famous yet. Yet. But when I am, and that is inevitable, I will write my autobiography immediately. I will write the crap out of that thing.

In fact, I’m not going to wait.¬†Scott Brown, newly elected and recently sworn in Senator from Massachusetts that replaced Ted Kennedy, has announced he’ll be writing and releasing his autobiography.

You know what? Brown’s a punk.

I can’t believe it’s going to take him that long to get his autobiography written. Written! He’s been a Senator already for less than two weeks and he’s JUST NOW announcing he’s ONLY GOING TO START writing it? By the time I get famous, whether that’s from being on Survivor, or getting elected to state legislature, or by moving back to the city and becoming an Alderman or for opening a bread shop that serves excellent coffee and pastries (populist pastries, don’t worry. What? You think I’ll serve that French nonsense?) by the Montrose Brown Line stop, I will already have my autobiography written. All I will have to do is release it. That’s how it’s done, Brown.

In fact, I might just go ahead and pen my memoir while I’m at it. There’s a slight difference – my memoir will be written by me, but my autobiography, contrary to the use of the auto- prefix, will be written by someone else. I’ll tell them everything they need to know.

Brown, you better get to the writing, my friend.