“I found a hole.” – Steven Seagal

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I mentioned this in the comments section of an earlier post but after catching the premiere, I think it really deserves wider attention. I’m talking about Steven Seagal Lawman on A&E.

From the description on the A&E website: “Steven Seagal has never sought publicity for his work with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office.”

That is the very first line of the description! How are you not onboard with this yet?

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Steven Seagal Lawman is the perfect Steven Seagal vehicle for many reasons but the top three are:

  1. Three word title.
  2. Even though SS is placed in dangerous situations, he is never truly in danger.
  3. We know his power is strong because many scenes show him talking down to people we usually associate with authority.

The show feels like raw footage from some weird documentary (Super Cops Me?) or the discarded pilot  of a Punk’d spin-off. He talks about zen in that way that makes you suspicious because it’s like he’s bragging about it?

In the preview for next week’s episode, I could’ve sworn I heard him refer to himself in the third person! Are you onboard yet?

Perhaps you can’t get onboard because you are too distracted wondering what a Seagal-driven reboot of BJ & The Bear would look like. Does this help?

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Are you thinking clearly now? I’m not sure what else I can say to convince you to get onboard with this!

Mr. Seagal, could you please play us out?