Hey folks, Fred the Tuckpointer here with a story that starts off horrible but ends up well because of conservatism. I’d been staying with my sister Mis while my shoulder healed after I hurt it falling off the side of our house. Wal-Mart doesn’t pay for sick time off so I knew I had to start punching the clock again to make up some of the dough I’ve been burning through. Problem is, I work in Receiving, and even though the quack at the Emergency Room told me my shoulder would be fine in a week its still really stiff and sore. I have to be able to unload the semis when they come in the morning, and I didn’t think I’d be able to do that in my current condition. What to do?
I gave Heather a call in Payroll and explained to her what happened. She told me
that I was not working in receiving until I had a doctor’s note telling me I was all
better so I couldn’t try to hit them for workman’s comp. Now, I thought she’d have
me back in Sporting Goods or Electronics, but those punk college kids are in town
for their Fall break and somehow are able to get in those areas. Jig’s got
Automotives, no argument there – dude knows his cars. I couldn’t do stock; I didn’t
want to work in the deli. And Heather said I was too young to be Greeter. So that
left only one thing: Checkouts.
Boy, that was embarrassing. None of the guys work the registers up front – its all ladies. Not that a guy can’t do the job as well, or that girls can’t do things like work in Sporting Goods; its just men are made for certain things and women are made for others. And I’m telling you, men are not made to be cashiers. But I had no choice; either that or sit on my dupa making squat waiting for my shoulder to start working again.
Now you think ringing somebody up and making change is easy…think again. Nowadays everything is computerized, and not easy like Internet blogging. There’s all these barcodes and key sequences…Point of Sale, Invalid CUs…Heather made me watch a video on how to work the register, then I signed a form stating I understood the policies, etc. I had to put on an apron and a name tag, then got my cash bag and headed up front.
All of the checkout ladies thought it was cute that ol’ Fred had to run a register with them. My line was always the longest ’cause I kept screwing up the buttons, my scanner only worked from a certain angle, and because it was “Cash Only.” After a while I started to get the hang of it, and around 3 Bea let me go on lunch break. I flipped off my register light and hustled back to the break room to watch the Browns finish putting a hurting on Buffalo – first win of the year! We’ll have to run the table, but the playoffs are not out of the picture…yet.
So you’re asking “Fred, how did Obama cost you your job?”. Here’s how: when I got back to the registers, the two rent-a-cops that work security were standing by my lane. The old geezer who used to work the Cleveland force pointed to my till…which I guess I had forgotten to close when I took off for break. You guessed it – all the cash was gone. They walked me back to their little office off of the garage and told me to take a seat. Then the interrogation started. Like, where’s the money? After a couple of hours a cop showed up and took a statement. Jerry the store manager came in with Heather. I was starting to sweat it some…I know I didn’t take the cash, but how could I prove it? I told the cop he could pat me down but they said they didn’t think it was necessary. I signed some papers and then the cop took off. Jerry dressed me down pretty good; I guess the cop filled him in on my arrest a few weekends back. That was the clincher. They fired me right there, gave me my last check, and took my nametag and apron. Then he banned me from the store and told me to get out of his sight. The stupid security guards wanted to escort me, but I told them I’d see myself out and left. I gave ol’ Bea the stink eye when I passed her; I’m pretty sure it was her who ripped off the till. Guess I’ll never know. So Obama is at fault here in two ways.
1. Because he’s going to raise taxes, people like Bea are getting desperate for cash and will commit crimes to get it.
2. For anyone who doesn’t believe Obama wants Socialism, look at how quickly the Feds must have zeroed in on
everyone who was at the Tea Parties – that’s how the cop knew to tell my boss about my protesting.
Jig, who’s always wanted to organize at the store, said if we had a union they would have fought for me, but unions = socialism.
But its always darkest before it is light. I just got a call from my old boss Richie – A tuckpointing job just came in. He said a chunk of the Terminal Tower fell off and hit some old lady, and the city is using stimulus money to have the side of the building cleaned up. Richie’s brother Jimmy just got called for another tour in Afghanistan, so he’s short one man for the job. I’m back in business, and all thanks to a hero. Maybe during the job I’ll get to talk to Richie about buying the business from him. I’ll let you know how it goes. Till then, Fred the Tuckpointer signing off.