A Boring Healthcare Debate

08townhall.xlarge1People sure have been upset about the idea of healthcare reform. Conservative protestors showed up at Town Hall debates all over the country, yelling and shoving. We don’t know why they were yelling. In fact, they don’t know why either. I suspect they were irritated because they just missed a Wal-Mart 2-for-1 special on 2-liter bottles of Coke. They tried to say that democrats want to socialize healthcare, which aside from being untrue, is boring. It is now confirmed that this strategy was heavily pushed by several different conservative groups. So these folks are yelling, but they have no facts and do not understand what they are yelling about.

So I’m going to help them. Listed below is a short list of rumors. If each reader picks one, tells everyone they know, these ideas will eventually make their way to the folks who need them most – angry conservatives who need a reason to be mad.

1. President Obama will be personally conducting all yearly gynecological exams. Overflow will be handled by former President Clinton.

2. The legislation will officially un-endorse the idea that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. This will send the apple industry into a tailspin (it is well known that liberals prefer bananas. Figures, since most bananas come from OUTSIDE of the U.S.).

3. No insurance company will be allowed to offer coverage to Rush Limbaugh, virtually killing him in days.

4. “Public Option” simply means drinking whiskey to cure colds, onion soup for coughs, or as an old Serbian Grandmother once told me, boil and consume marshmallow root to reduce fever.*

5. People who cling to their “guns and religion” will only be covered to 30% for injuries received due to guns or religion.**

* This actually works, by the way. I have more than one old Serbian Grandmother in my family.

** This is regardless of whether it was their own gun or religion, or someone else’s.