A preview of tomorrow’s newspapers

Michael_JacksonMichael Jackson is dead.

Can I be the first to start the rumor that Michael Jackson faked his own death? I know it’s pretty easy to float the idea that Michael Jackson might do something weird, just like it’s easy to float the idea that Dick Cheney could do something evil.

Michael Jackson was in so much debt that he went to some Saudi prince for money in exchange for songs he never wrote. To pay that guy backĀ  he had to make a deal to tour, which I don’t think he wanted to do, and, based on his frailty, was not able to perform. The tour has been delayed due to “perfectionism”, and there were many rumors that it was due to be cancelled. If it were cancelled then what happens to his debts or even upfront money from the tour?

Either the stress of all of this got to him (not unheard of) or he’s hanging out in Rio with Ken Lay. The only hitch in my theory is – how does that guy blend in anywhere? I mean he would have to get some serious facial surgery is he wants to change his appearance.

One quick note to the media: We’re in minute 15 of the death of Michael Jackson and I’ve already heard Thriller four times. Please, just once bumper to commercial with Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough. Just once.