I’m not trying to do a “Seinfeld” here, but what is the deal with these guys anyway? They keep popping up in all of the worst places. Places that I don’t think warrant the need for them in the first place. Just because you are a bar called, “Martini Park” does NOT mean that you should put a dude in the bathroom whom I have to acknowledge right before I’m unzipping my fly. Bathrooms are pretty commonplace in these here United States. I can’t imagine there are too many people who walk in and start screaming because the concept is foreign to them and they aren’t sure what to do next. I was taught well as a child – do your business, wash your hands, dry ‘em, leave. Pretty sure most everyone gets it by now. And those that don’t? Well, you aren’t going to find them in Martini Park, or anywhere else I’m going to the bathroom in the first place. (ie. I’ve never once visited the restroom of a “Super-Taco Burrito King.” Ever.)
Honestly – I think it’s just the concept of tipping that I don’t like. Maybe if I didn’t feel the need to reach in, and pull out a $1 – much less the stress of trying to remember if I have any singles while I’m trying to piss – each time I visit the bathroom, it wouldn’t be so bad. But it’s always so prevalent “Money Goes Here” and “I Live off Tips” and “Mighty Fine Weather We’ve Been Havin’” All over the place.
And don’t try to tell me the $1 pays for the breath mint. If that’s the case, I’ll just make sure to pack Altoids with me.
So the question remains. Where did the concept come from? And, as a follow-up, Why are they in ever-increasing lower and lower class establishments? What purpose does it serve to add that dude to my pissing experience? For God’s sake, I don’t even talk to my buddies if we happen to be in the bathroom at the same time.
Answers please.
Formed in 1997, Schad began performing sketch comedy on Chicago’s north side. The troupe has since performed at countless venues around the world including The Goodman Theatre, The Second City, Steppenwolf, Lollapalooza, ImprovOlympic, the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (LA), HERE (NYC) and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
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All content © 2010 by Schadenfreude.
Bathroom attendant = the illusion of class because it has that ‘european’ touch.
One day while in Paris (see, its already classy), I got loaded with some Belgian guy (even classier) and went to the Louvre (super classy).
The Winged Victory started spinning so I ran to the bathroom and promptly threw up, passing a little old lady in a chair along the way.
When I was done, she handed me a paper towel. I gave her ten Francs (pre-euro days, at the time, about a buck)
So 36 year old bottle of booze + Belgian Guy + Louvre + Bathroom Attendant = one classy drunken stupor.
Or – if its common in Europe, its classy in the US, because people will buy into anything
They are even in the Lincoln Park John Barleycorn’s tiny bathroom. Don’t ask me how I know that.
In some bathrooms, they also function as “available stall specialists” but they could be easily replaced with one of those “Occupied” levers that port-o-potties have and I’d be fine with it. They can keep their mints and perfume.
Nothing in the world makes me more uncomfortable than attendants. Good lord, a guy to hand you a towel after you crap and piss?
I’ll leave the place, go down the street to a coffee shop or something and buy a small coffee so I can go to the bathroom in quiet.
Although, i think it might be funny to ask the person what was the loudest crap they ever heard.
@Lee Ann – Wow. That IS classy. Let’s get together and watch Real Housewives of Brussels, cool?
@Rachael – ok, how do you know what the inside of the men’s roo- Nevermind. I’m not askin’.
@Fred – At least you have the decency to leave. Would you consider peeing there and NOT tipping?
@Fred – At least you have the decency to leave. Would you consider peeing there and NOT tipping?
–Nope, I’d hold it and get out of there.
Stephen, I do hope you know I was poking fun at myself. And its only a matter of time before someone does a Real housewives of Some European City.
One of my best friends was a bathroom attendant at Cabaret Metro back in the day. Would you really want to use a lipstick from that collection though?
In all honesty I think the use of them is to discourage shenanigans in the bathroom. It’s about keeping people from hooking up in a stall. Besides, it would take forever to make a glory hole if you could only do it between attendant shifts!
Maggie – I thought about that. But then I also thought, if you give the guy a $20, you could probably do just about anything. I mean, these guys hand me a towel for $1, they would probably tie their shoes for a few minutes for me to snort some blow, shenanigan a nice young lady, or change the cartridge to my insulin pump.
for me it all started at the upscale Southland 75 drive-inn, dayton,OH. Odd but yes it most certainly was to cut out the shenanigans. she wore a nice print dress, pretty much did nothing but sit in a chair smile and chit chat. No doors were ripped off there and you could relax and pee in a safe clean place. Thanks potty lady, thanks.