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The world is stunned today that Adam Lambert, the critic’s darling, didn’t get crowned the new American Idol. Really? Are we really shocked? That the gay, guy-linered, black nail polished rocker didn’t win? This is conservative America taking the reigns back after our nation spun out of control and elected a black man (gasp!) to the highest office in the land. Middle America took one look at Adam’s snake-skin nut huggers and said, “Not again! Not on our watch! You can take our Presidency, but NOT our American Idol!” So, our American Idol is a bit more McCain than Obama. If this is how it shakes out, I’ll take Barack in the White House. It’s not like we have to endure Kris Allen’s domestic policies for the next four years… Unless you count acoustic guitar rock as a domestic policy — well, then you do.
Formed in 1997, Schad began performing sketch comedy on Chicago’s north side. The troupe has since performed at countless venues around the world including The Goodman Theatre, The Second City, Steppenwolf, Lollapalooza, ImprovOlympic, the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (LA), HERE (NYC) and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
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All content © 2010 by Schadenfreude.
Hi Kate
I saw it differently – I think people DIDN’T vote for Adam because he is too talented to get locked into a life-sucking, creativity-murdering pop music contract.
Did you hear the crap song that was supposed to be his big American Idol hit? No one should have to sing that piece of cheese.
Americans saved him by voting for the forgettable guy with the Eddie Money sideways mouth.
That Adam guy has actual potential.
Honestly, I dont think most of them knew he was gay anyway.
Eddie Money sideways mouth! HA — that made me laugh out loud Lee Ann!
All great points! My other theory (that I didn’t delve into here) is that the judges screwed Adam out of a win by favoring him so much. America thought he was a shoe-in so they voted hard core for the underdog. If they had favored Kris as much — I think it would have been a different outcome.
And when Adam is on the cover of Entertainment Weekly and it proclaims that he’s “probably gay” — the world knows. I do think that factored in. Middle America didn’t know what to do with his theatricality.
Oh — and call of the year on the “Idol Song” — that thing was horrid — and SO cheesy. Even too cheesy for Tatiana.
And there you have it. America is obviously a bunch of homophobes because Adam Lambert lost American Idol.
Or, how about this, we just didn’t like him as much.
Sigh.
It’s like the drunk who accuses everyone else who drinks of being an alcoholic just because they don’t admit to having a problem.
I think you’re reaching on this one Kate. Relax, take a breath and remember that just because you’re white, straight and affluent doesn’t mean you have to love everyone just to prove your not a bad person.
FWIW he isn’t that talented. He has one Mariah Carey move and that’s it. Otherwise he sounds like a bad cabaret singer. Listen carefully and you can clearly hear Ethel Merman in there. I think it’s 50-50 that he ends up doing the all drag review at Lips in downtown San Diego.
I’m done watching Idol ! It’s rigged. I as others could not get through enough times to vote for Adam Lambert. Whom is a fantastic entertainer & will be mega huge in his own right. Why does this matter to us? We are being force fed crappy rock stars. (Rod Stewart could not win american idol.) Who want’s to die for art?
Hey Bart,
YOU take a deep breath. I rooted for Kris. Thought you had me all figured out didn’t ya?
Sigh.
My point is that over and over again the judges, media, etc. ALL kept saying that Adam was the most original, exciting and talented contestant the show has ever seen. But he was very different than the “regular” contestants that usually make up the show. I don’t think America was ready for it.
And thanks for bumping me up to the tax bracket of “affluent”.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go get drunk and paint my nails black.
I think it’s rigged as well. But I thought they rigged it in favor of Adam by choosing that horrible song they both had to sing. It was clearly more suited for Adam than Kris.
The nice thing about Idol is that winning it means nothing. Winners have gone on to be losers (Taylor Hicks) and losers on to be winners (Daughtry).
But in the end, the real losers are those of us who are pushing 40 with both hands and still watch AI… and apparently care enough to have an opinion about it.
Sigh.
Adam got exactly what he needed, some national exposure. He will have a long and prosperous career, just like Jennifer Hudson.
As for the gay factor, it was nice to see him get to the finals and unlike Clay Aiken, not try and hide it. Now if we can just get Prop 8 overturned in CA, it will be a great week.
I dunno about the gay thing Kate…maybe my experience with openly gay people in ‘middle America’ is different than yours. I think people are far more ‘live and let live’ these days. Not entirely, but compared to 20 years ago there is a huge shift.
Id be more inclined to say that the winner was better suited to cheese curd song written by that god-awful judge Whats-Her-Face, so it was probably rigged to go that way.
Back to my original thesis – even if its a stretch, ya gotta admit, Adam is far FAR better off without the obligation to American Idol.
The other dude will have one forced-upon-us hit with the shit song and then fade away.
All I can say is, thank GAWD I have XM. I wont have to listen to it.
My cat could write better lyrics than this:
Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever if you feel you’ve lost your way
What if your chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
to fight and never walk away
Coz hear I am — still holding on!
Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe
You’ll make it through the pain (or through all your aches and pains)
Weather the hurricane
To get to that one thing
When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can
You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
B-reak every rule coz there’s nothing between you
and your dreams
Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe
Lee Ann! Thanks for posting this masterpiece! It was “weather the hurricane” that made me groan out loud when I first heard it.
I totally agree that an artist like Adam is better off without winning….
And I’m glad to hear that you think I’m off base about the gay thing! I would never be more happy to be wrong. I get lulled into my big city life and friends — and then it takes one trip back to mid-Michigan and I’m reminded how far people have to go. Much agreed that 20 years ago was a completely different story!
‘Middle America took one look at Adam’s snake-skin nut huggers and said, “Not again! Not on our watch! You can take our Presidency, but NOT our American Idol!” ‘
Absolutely fucking hysterical. (If you need more adjectives, let me know. I’ve got more somewhere)
Hey Kate, you can save money on gas and take a much shorter trip up here to 847, it will jolt you right back into reality…guess who everyone voted for here?
Hall & Oats?!? : )
Great point, Mr. Jacobsen!