Introducing the New Future(s) of the GOP

Sarah PalinIt’s an exciting time to be a Republican. Seems like every other week someone new becomes the future of the GOP. Let’s recap all the fresh faces from the past five months in a piece I like to call, Who’s the future of the GOP? 

First, obviously November 1st & the morning of the 2nd belonged to John McCain, not to mention most of 2008. Then it belonged to Sarah Palin for about two hours in the morning of November 3.  

After the election, things began to pick up, however. In December, new House Minority Leader John A. Boehner of Ohio announced the new future of the GOP was Anh Cao of Louisiana.

Cao is a community activist and Asian-American. With that kind of resume you’d think he’d be a Democrat. But no. He’s the only non-hispanic minority Republican currently in Congress. Not as cool as Obama, but not bad. Plus you can say “Holy Cao!” with his name. Fun. 

For most of January, the GOP had no future. But on the 30th they got a future again. A hip-hop future, in the form of Michael Steele. Steele plans a future for the Repubs that’s “off-the-hook” and embraces everyone from “one-armed midgets” to “moms of all shapes.” These are good plans from a guy with a great name. Steele. Say it out loud: “Steele!” 

In the vein of their new hip-hop future, February brought us Rush Limbaugh, who got his grip on the microphone.  

Late February brought us Bobby Jindal. In early April it was Representative Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, then a couple of days after that it was Aaron Schock of Illinois.

I like the Repub’s revolving leadership approach, and I thought we could help them. This is going to be YOUR chance to make a contribution to the direction of the Republican party. Leave your comments here as to who you think would be the best new future of the GOP. Remember, because it changes often – sometimes every couple of days – please feel free to nominate several choices. They’ll need all futures they can get. 

To get us started, I’ll throw out my first two choices. 

1. Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears. He’s going to have plenty of time on his hands in the Bears no-offense system. 

2. Sandy Marshal of Schadenfreude. With the way that guy eats cupcakes, he’ll attract a new demographic the GOP sorely lacks: Bakers.