I eat at Subway all the time, but I’m done with the routine of walking into a Subway and seeing a picture of Jared. This marks the TENTH year in a row that Jared has been the Subway posterboy, and you know what? Let’s get the Subway creative team excited to think of something new. No offense but Jared isn’t Absolut ____ or Come Fly the Friendly Skies. Time for a new logo, maybe a new tagline like “Turns out the wraps were a bad call” or “We have the best chocolate chip cookies in town, no, really, we do” or “Meat, veg and a buncha bread.” Other Subway taglines anyone?
Formed in 1997, Schad began performing sketch comedy on Chicago’s north side. The troupe has since performed at countless venues around the world including The Goodman Theatre, The Second City, Steppenwolf, Lollapalooza, ImprovOlympic, the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (LA), HERE (NYC) and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
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All content © 2010 by Schadenfreude.
“Please don’t ask us to make a Breakfast Sandwich because by the roll of our eyes you can tell it’s our least favorite request.”
“Now serving Seattles Best, apologies for how much dogshit our previous coffee tasted like. We’re not really exaggerating it really tasted worse than Dad’s factory coffee from the 70’s or Airplane coffee from the 80’s. I’m not sure how in the era of Starbucks and Caribou that we were able to dig up coffee that tastes like burnt shit filtered on a low-water drought day.”
“Subway: might wanna take a pass on the asagio cheese bread.”
“Subway: WHAT? No tomatoes? NO FAMOUS SUBWAY TOMATOES?????”
“Cleaner than Quiznos” or “We can Toast’em Too, Bitch”
I have it on good authority that if you show Jerrod a Subway sub or open up a bag with the “oven baked” break smell in it that he’ll immediately vomit.
Subway: When you’re tired of Burger King and can’t find an Arby’s
We won’t tell you where we got that ham. It’s better for both of us that way.
Subway. It’s the sandwich you should have made at home but didn’t.
“Carbs and Two Veg.”
“Subway: Quality In Every Extra Mile”
“Subway: When You Care Enough To Send The Very Best”
“Subway: Because You’re Not Gonna Pay A Lot For This Muffler”
Just how old are those pants?
Subway: Take a whiff of Jared’s fat guy pants.
Subway: Oh you said NO tomatoes, not LOTS of tomatoes.
Subway: Bathroom’s Locked
Subway: Coke’s Flat, Hawaiian Punch is Out