I was about to drop this story in the chatback (which is what I imagine the British call the comment section) for “Here’s a bit”, but it took too much setup which is more interesting than the reason I started writing it, which was to tell you my favorite thing Sandy’s brother, John Marshall ever said, a perfectly placed Star Wars quote.
But first, the greatest sketch we ever did, that we’ll never do again.
I’m really proud of how, during our initial run in the late 90’s, Schadenfreude set an atmosphere at the Heartland Studio Theatre where it felt that anything could happen and the show might fall apart for love of anarchy at any moment. It seems the Rent Party’s have achieved this to a greater degree, but I digress. The sketch went like this:
1. A fake sketch begins, not fake to the audience, mind you. I believe Kate and I were in a restaurant needing the service of a waiter (PREMISE!)
2. It is interrupted by gunfire as a terrorist from the nation of Kurtzugoy (I wanted to call it Kurtzkobania) has taken over what he thinks is an ESPNZone.
3. The host, Mark Hanner, stumbles to the stage, in his underwear, tied up in rope.
4. The terrorist declares that he’s going to start killing people if we don’t release all the refugees from his country.
5. We argue that we don’t have any refugees, we’re a sketch group.
6. There is another shot from the booth and a blowup sexdoll with Stephe Schmidt’s clothes on it falls from the lighting booth into the audience.
7. The terrorist again demands the release of the refugees from his country. That’s ridiculous, we plead. But Justin doesn’t plead with us, we all turn suspiciously to the cowering Justin, who, after some prodding, admits to hiding the refugees the way a ten-year-old might about a puppy. Justin walks backstage and leads FIVE BLINDFOLDED AUDIENCE MEMBERS IN CAMOFLAGE CLOTHING out! Past the audience, and out the door.
8. At this point, satisfied, the terrorist leaves and we continue the fake sketch. Finally, the waiter comes out in camoflage and blindfold! BOOM – TAKE ‘EM OUT AND GET THAT SHIT EDITED FOR WEDNESDAYS NEW CITY BITCH!
Vintage Schadenfreude, I will someday ask a biographer to write.
That’s story enough, but what does all this have to do with Star Wars and John Marshall?
It’s anticlimactic now but… the reason we could be so extravagant is John and Superhost with the Northfield Most, Chris Rasinen were interning and were tasked with being and wrangling refugees and also going and getting a lot of camoflage clothing. John Marshall wore a camoflage poncho for his cameo in the scene.
I had not made the connection to where I’d seen a camoflage poncho before until one night during rehearsal John ran out and, instead of his line said: “there’s two more wrecked speeders back there.” Which is only funny to me and everyone who’s read through the jump because there was some promise of a Star Wars reference.
No. Love YOU.
I loved that sketch. I remember being recruited one weekend to play a refuge, with the guy that ran the Heartland and Matt Larsen. I think I asked Justin if I could have a wet, hacking cough as I was lead outside…you know, to flesh out the character some. Justin, the class act that he is, looked at me and said “Whatever you need to do, do.”
Cool.
I still say the best sketch was the Wedding Sketch, where Adam played the prick of a brother-in-law who mentions his online printing business during the toast.
The Dinerbanski and Ross – meet the management sketch – oh god, Sandy as the portfolio manager putting on the clown shoes to liven up things. Just great.
That hostage sketch was awesome and Fred, that D & R “Welcome to the Team” themed night was one of my favorites.
One night we stunted Alive One playing those characters (Joel Friend was there as well), and seeing Adam as an airplane mechanic with a moustache continually asking the bartender if he had Keystone Light on tap makes me laugh out loud. We all had our nametags on and I remember regular patrons awkwardly coming up to us telling us to take our nametags off, that we weren’t at work anymore…
The great thing about the Alive One stunt is there were not cameras, we just did it for ourselves with only us as the audience.
Sandy’s bet line from the first D&R Theme show – he puts on a clown wig and says: “This wigs a funny goof, but what isn’t so funny is your 401K.”
Yes, I loved that line. And then he starts talking about matching contributions, what to do to position yourself aggressively…all deadly serious.
The Heartland shows are what kept me going when I lived next door. Seriously. Another fun bit was that Justin took showers at my place after he ripped a heart. I’d walk back with him to my apartment, sometimes Julie would be with us. In the warmer months, we’d be walking past the Heartland patio – tons of people having a quiet dinner. Then Justin walks by in his hot pants, covered in fake blood. Depending on his mood, he’d say things to me, like “Do you think they’ll find me?” or “Hey, next time I get to tie you up.” or “Great meal, man. Just the best I’ve ever had.”
Julie and I played hostages once. It was awesome to do a bit with Julie.
funny – but not the best.