The funniest sketch we ever did that we’ll never do again.

twomorewreckedspeedersbackthere1I was about to drop this story in the chatback (which is what I imagine the British call the comment section) for “Here’s a bit”, but it took too much setup which is more interesting than the reason I started writing it, which was to tell you my favorite thing Sandy’s brother, John Marshall ever said, a perfectly placed Star Wars quote.

But first, the greatest sketch we ever did, that we’ll never do again. 

I’m really proud of how, during our initial run in the late 90’s, Schadenfreude set an atmosphere at the Heartland Studio Theatre where it felt that anything could happen and the show might fall apart for love of anarchy at any moment. It seems the Rent Party’s have achieved this to a greater degree, but I digress. The sketch went like this: 

1. A fake sketch begins, not fake to the audience, mind you. I believe Kate and I were in a restaurant needing the service of a waiter (PREMISE!)

2. It is interrupted by gunfire as a terrorist from the nation of Kurtzugoy (I wanted to call it Kurtzkobania) has taken over what he thinks is an ESPNZone.

3. The host, Mark Hanner, stumbles to the stage, in his underwear, tied up in rope. 

4. The terrorist declares that he’s going to start killing people if we don’t release all the refugees from his country. 

5. We argue that we don’t have any refugees, we’re a sketch group.

6. There is another shot from the booth and a blowup sexdoll with Stephe Schmidt’s clothes on it falls from the lighting booth into the audience.

7. The terrorist again demands the release of the refugees from his country. That’s ridiculous, we plead. But Justin doesn’t plead with us, we all turn suspiciously to the cowering Justin, who, after some prodding, admits to hiding the refugees the way a ten-year-old might about a puppy. Justin walks backstage and leads FIVE BLINDFOLDED AUDIENCE MEMBERS IN CAMOFLAGE CLOTHING out! Past the audience, and out the door.

8. At this point, satisfied, the terrorist leaves and we continue the fake sketch. Finally, the waiter comes out in camoflage and blindfold! BOOM – TAKE ‘EM OUT AND GET THAT SHIT EDITED FOR WEDNESDAYS NEW CITY BITCH!

Vintage Schadenfreude, I will someday ask a biographer to write.

That’s story enough, but what does all this have to do with Star Wars and John Marshall?

It’s anticlimactic now but… the reason we could be so extravagant is John and Superhost with the Northfield Most, Chris Rasinen were interning and were tasked with being and wrangling refugees and also going and getting a lot of camoflage clothing. John Marshall wore a camoflage poncho for his cameo in the scene.

I had not made the connection to where I’d seen a camoflage poncho before until one night during rehearsal John ran out and, instead of his line said: “there’s two more wrecked speeders back there.”  Which is only funny to me and everyone who’s read through the jump because there was some promise of a Star Wars reference. 

No. Love YOU.

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