Guess who sent me this email?

firefoxshirtHey Adam,
I had to email you this right away.  I’m at work and just farted the biggest fart of my life.  I was taking a dump and it was like my butthole opened like a door to a cellar or something, and a thousand farts jumped out like a hurricane, all rolled into one.  I’m not kidding.  I farted out the depths of my colon dude.  It sounded like someone just stepped on a box, it didn’t even sound like a fart.  It sounded like someone slaming a door or something, and it smelled like someone threw a sack of potatoes on a sheep that had been dead for 3 days.  I mean, I now know what the inside of my stomach smells like.  No kidding.  Know what it smells like dude?  Spinach and oatmeal and steak from 1998.  I think I farted out bits of that omelette we had at the ASU I-Hop in 2000.  Anyway, I couldn’t stop laughing and thought you’d like to know.
Ever fart out your actual small intestine? I think I just did that.  I farted out food that’s still going through the absorportion process, so much so that I feel like I need some gatorade and saltine crackers.
Wait, I take it back — it smelled like pig farm near a highway in the hot summertime.  Like, an amusement park covered in puke right after a big hot rainstorm.  Man, that reeked.  I think, in retrospect, it smelled more like the bottom of the pile at Brown Elephant or the butt of some hipster’s jeans in an old record store.  Man oh man.

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