5 DAYS LEFT!

…until I can stop watching cable news. I can’t wait to stop watching cable news. I can’t wait to stop downloading Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, and going to Fivethirtyeight.com. Yesterday I was laughing at something Chris Matthews said, and caught myself: “good God, what have I become?” Chris Matthews isn’t funny, the thing he’s referring to isn’t funny unless you know too stupid much about this election. It’s been fun, just like Air America. I retired Air America after the 2006 elections and moved on, and now I’m looking forward to going back to refreshing Superherohype.com in hopes of a new trailer from Punisher: War Zone.

I’ll walk away from this political season with a couple observations, First: there’s a guy named Ed Rogers that represents the weaselly weirdo part of Republicans that really cracks me up, just so cornered and so pissed at everyone, the sort of cocky Office Manager that you can imagine sucking his thumb under the desk if a crisis hit. For a quarter I’ll do my impersonation of him getting pissed at a sandwich. Second: I nomimate Shephard Smith and Steve Doocy for Most Likely To Have Some Seriously Weird Freaky Dad-from-Alf┬ásex stuff going on in their personal lives. I don’t know if they’ve killed anybody, but I’m sure one of them has choked someone.

The best way to get through the next five days is to think of them as a countdown to a new bit. For those of us who recreationally make ourselves look like assholes in public (VENTI!), referencing Sara Palin will start getting funnier on Wednesday. Just imagine, around this coming May, catching someone flubbing some piece of information and saying “Somebody sounds like Sara Palin!!” Or maybe Joe The Plumber will be funnier, he’s truly the Jar Jar of this Campaign isn’t he? We were supposed to love him so much.

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