The Marketing of Fluids, Part 45

So we’re in northern Michigan for a few days. I’m currently writing this from the Biggby Coffee Shop, which I learned was previously called Beaner’s but had to change their name b/c the Beaner’s corporation is expanding westward, and Beaner is derogatory. Sidebar: Anytime I’m in a gas station, I get the absolute cheapest water. It’s usually 99 cents for a 1/2 gallon and, not surprisingly, it tastes exactly like water. The loca generic drinking water is Absopure water. Absopure markets itself as “The Hydration Drink.” That’s right. The tagline for this brand of water is “The Hydration Drink.” Nice. Here’s the description on the label of the bottle, word for word:  “Absopure Spring Water gently flows from a deep protected source. Through nature’s own filtration process, Absopure Water slowly rises to the surface both fresh and delicious.” Thank YOU, Absopure. That does indeed sound like water.