Mrs. O’Leary’s Next Door Neighbor

Here’s a question: who on Chicago’s north side burns their trash in the middle of their backyard? That’s right! Our dipshit neighbors across the street. They burn trash and they make enormous bonfires that blow smoke into everyones homes. The police have been time and again, but these dipshits continue to go outside with their 9 vans and throw old magazines and random pieces of lumber into bonfires in their backyard. IN CHICAGO. Huh? Didn’t this city BURN DOWN in 1871? When something so small as a smoke alarm beeps, doesn’t the city’s fire department come over and drown your entire house in a thousand gallons of water? A few days ago, they started a bonfire and the wind picked up and smoke alarms started going off and the place filled with smoke. I walked to the windows, sealed them up, and for no reason, this guy walked over and stood on the street and looked-up at me and raised his arms and said “What’s the big deal?” Paranoid much? Sir, though I’ve never called 311 on you, I bet someone else has, so go blame them, ps I don’t want everything in my home smelling like US magazines marinated in mesquite. I think there’s a small, targeted vortex of dipshits who all live just south of Foster. I’ve thought of going to Alderman Shulter’s office about this, but this guy is probably burning trash in his backyard because he’s the Roger Clinton of the 47th Ward. Lesson learned: move to Evanston.