When I first saw our “Summer Movie Blockbuster Madness” brackets (look above), I loved the idea! I’m not much of a movie person. Last movie I saw in the theater was Super Bad, and that was a month after it was popular. I just don’t like spending money. And it costs me almost 30 bucks to go see shitty hollywood drivel. But I was excited about the brackets. And then last week, I asked the guys where “Sex and the City” was on the brackets. Stephe’s response was “Eh, not big enough”. Um, I hate to rip on my own, but SS, can you be more of a dude? Sandy then said “who’s going to go see that?” Then I boldly said that “Sex and City” will probably beat all the movies this year, including their fave “Indiana Jones”. They both fell off their chairs. Then SM said “All the women are gonna go see Indy dude…” So there you have it. I’m embarrassed that my fellow Schadders are prime-time douches, ladies. Not me, I’m going to watch this when it comes out on DVD.
Formed in 1997, Schad began performing sketch comedy on Chicago’s north side. The troupe has since performed at countless venues around the world including The Goodman Theatre, The Second City, Steppenwolf, Lollapalooza, ImprovOlympic, the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (LA), HERE (NYC) and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
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All content © 2010 by Schadenfreude.
Remember – you put $20 on it.
I only take cash.
Seriously. Let me rephrase and say that EVERYONE ON THE PLANET will go see Indy. Call me next summer when you think that More Sex In the City will beat Transformers II. I’ll put 20 bucks on that any day!
Yeah, but what about NOT putting Sex and the City on the summer blockbuster brackets? Do you really believe that it is not a summer blockbuster? Or just a gross oversight?
Not putting it on the brackets? I’ll have to defer to Stephen, he used his hit machine algorithm to determine the entrants. Sex in the City being in these brackets, I don’t know, maybe in lieu of Space Panda? I’ll have to defer to SS. Overall, I disagree, and think that Batman II will break $50 million, gross, worldwide.
Okay, Batman will surely beat out SATC. Indy, maybe… BUT that’s only because women have better things to do/more common sense than to stand in line at midnight to be the first to see a movie… (frankly, we have better things to do than stand in line for anything), and then to see it three more times that same weekend… and geek-guys who have fantasized their whole life about being Indiana Jones, don’t.
Ok – one rule – to be considered as a “Summer Blockbuster” – you must have at least one explosion. On top of that, in the history of “Summer Blockbusters” – no movie with a “real” relationship-y storyline has ever made it. Even the year “Titanic” was released, it wasn’t considered – by anyone – sure, it made a gazillion dollars, earned 47 Oscars, – OH! and that’s another rule – no “Summer Blockbuster” can be nominated for any Oscars other than “Special FX”.
And don’t try telling me there won’t be an explosion in StepBrothers – it’s a Will Ferrel movie – SOMETHING will blow up. Besides-wich, this is a moot argument – SATC will NOT have any explosions.
AND one more rule – there has to be a super-hot chick, or something animated. Who’s the hot chick in SATC? And anyone you say is because you have to see the talent your stuck with. Kristin Davis is hot, when compared to Oldie, Lezzie and Horse-face.
Stephe, Lezzie is MAJOR hot. Kim Catrall is as sexy as they come. I agree on Horse-face.
Oh, and Big is a prick. So they’re made for each other.
I think we should consider a finer point.
Taking a chick to see SATC will get a guy laid.
More men will buy tickets to this film than Indiana Jones because they will actually get to bump uglies with that hot chick who works at the coffee shop.
Indiana Jones will get them an evening of porn in Mom’s basement. Women do not want to sleep with the men in their life after seeing Harrison Ford. We just dont. You aren’t him.
Listen fellas,
I hate to rattle the idiot cage but here goes. SATC is going to reign queen this summer, shitty, horrible, terrifying queen. I can’t think of a scarier plot for a movie, Women who liberate themselves using sex as a tool? Jesus, I knew we never should have let them start reading books. And Sandy you know your old lady is going to be dragging your ass to this chick shit flick, and guess where I’ll be? Sitting three rows in front of you next to my loving wife, trying to masturbate through my jeans without getting caught. I’ll wave hi when I’m escorted out.
As for Indiana Jones, why are we hyping this movie? The first two amazing! The third…eh. And the fourth, even the trailor looks as thin as a darfurian, is it darfureite? I dont know. Point is, and I hate to say it i’ll probably try that masturbation thing again because i bet i get caught at the SATC movie, you’re never good at anything the first time you try it.
Can i get back to the SATC movie again? Stephe it follows all your rules, it has a hot chick: that gay dude from all the comedy central roasts, it has an explosion: God blew Sarah Jessica Parkers forehead ears and teeth to about three times normal donkey porportions. And if SATC wins an oscar for anything it will be for makeup, i mean they make kim katrell look like a woman, hint: she used to be jim jatrell. (he/she always liked having the same initials.)
May God bless each and every one of you with long lives and fruitfull uteri.
P
Aw daaaammmmnnnn. It’s still not a blockbuster – if any movie GETS a guy laid – then it can’t be a blockbuster by definition. Just watch the Triumph/Star Wars YouTube clip…
Triumph
Stephen, are your rules of what can be a blockbuster YOUR rules or universal rules?
And if they are universal rules, does the explosion have to happen during the film?
@Lee Ann: a little bit of both…. history sort of dictating the rules that I interpret. I sort of consider myself the Supreme Court – I’m interpreting…
Ha!
Good enough.
However, as one who has inside info about these things, there are a couple of films on the bracket with no explosions and/or no hot chicks.
Unless you consider egg shaped robots ‘hot’, which I concede is entirely possible, based on your avatar.
(I refer to Wall-e’s significant other, Eve, who I had the task of putting on underwear).
“On 05.06.08 Julie said:
Okay, Batman will surely beat out SATC. Indy, maybe… BUT that’s only because women have better things to do/more common sense than to stand in line at midnight to be the first to see a movie… (frankly, we have better things to do than stand in line for anything), and then to see it three more times that same weekend… and geek-guys who have fantasized their whole life about being Indiana Jones, don’t.”
Well then, a sincere thank you to dudes, who had nothing better to do then stand around building pyramids, killing predators, drafting constitutions, going to the moon, creating cinema, redefining cinema, and making me plenty of very happy very unimportant memories.
I salute all the male dorks out there who wasted their lives creating one sci-fi world (Dune, Hitchhikers, Star Trek), making up a working language for Elvish (Who shot J.R.R!), making independent movies about space knights, or ninja turtles, reducing Descartes philosophy to a kung fu movie with guns, or wasting two hours on a film about best friends who work in adjacent stores. Thanks for taking the time to dick around and not accomplish anything better. Thank GOD you did not accomplish anything “better” with your lives…
…like buying things and bitching about sluts you hate.
“City Fuckin’” the movie can eat my Autoballs,
DeWitt
@Lee Ann Whoa whoa whoa. You have insider info?! You know about WALL•E?! There might be no hot chick, BUT, it will have an explosion. I’d be willing to bet a cold, refreshing PBR on that! What else do you know? WHAT ELSE!!!!
Two things:
I presented my “father’s” view of the brackets to Stephen on the Rent party, and I’ll do so again here… Movies like Kung Fu Panda and Wall-E will do much better than anyone is expecting cuz while you’re all at work… I’ll be paying for me and my boys (albeit at matinee prices) to see those movies for the sixth time. And that’s just by early July.
Best movie *I* saw last year? Ratatouille.
And, finally, when does The Sopranos movie come out?
DeWitt… Awwww, spoken like a true geek. Thank you for illustrating my point.
stephe –
i gots two words for you (i’m too mad to write any more) ………….. Dirty Dancing
end of argument.
reaper
@p. riddy: really dude, you thought that was better than Transformers? Really, now?
@Reaper: never saw Dirty Dancing. No kidding, ask Kate. Also never saw Ghost or Pretty Woman. When Dirty Dancing was on a month ago, I learned that her name is “Baby” for the first time.
Know what I have seen, though? The Island.
Blockbusters started with Han Solo and Indy, not with Kramer vs. Kramer or 9 to 5.
@Stephen
I do have insider info.
But I cant tell you what it is. Breach of contract.
Or, I wasnt paying attention at the meetings, so Id have to look it up.
Actually, the only thing I ever really see before movies start promotion is the art and sometimes little parts of the story boards. Or concepts before filming begins when studios send out a packet trying to get us interested in the project. I got to see the artists storyboards for King Kong, for example, and the Batmobile before the public.
I dont pay much attention to that stuff either. I probably shouldnt have this job as I am not doe-eyed over the subject matter.
But that’s just me.
Oh, and Fred – as in Adam’s Fred. Who I work with.
He ignores it all too.
Don’t you have a baby to feed?
Give middle-aged women a reason to go out to the movies and you’ll be building your house in Malibu by Thursday.
re: Dirty Dancing (et al) & the definition of blockbuster – I think of these films as ’sleeper hits’… not because they are ‘chick flicks’ but because they are cases of counter-programming exceeding all expectations… and more importantly, most ’sleeper hits’ are films with small or mid-range release that end up staying in theaters for a long long time (best examples being Dirty Dancing, There’s Something About Mary and, yes, The Terminator… all of which opened on less than 100 screens and stayed in first run theaters for over 3 months)
thus endeth the lesson.
Let’s get back on track here. Dirty Dancing etc. is not Sex and the City. Sex and the City is a HUGE nationwide release with huge Sarah Jessica Parker billboards and huge magazine covers. It’s not a sleeper, nor is it intended to be. My thesis, which started this thread, is that Stephen and Sandy are sexist. Stephen agrees. He says it’s his right since this is opinion. Sandy doesn’t listen and argues that there is no way Sex and City will beat Indy. And that Peyton Manning is black.
DeWitt, Ah, see, in fact I do have better things to do… like feed my baby!
@Sandy: Yes. Transformers gave me a headache.
@All: I just saw the TV trailer for Sex in the City.
And it made me kinda wanna see it.
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