Absolutely Sucky

This one makes my head shake. Back when I was in college, I bought ABC’s greatest hits on CD at Best Buy for 18 bucks. For some reason, back in 1994, I thought it’d be SUCH A GOOD CALL on some Tuesday night to actually go to Best Buy and get these tracks of turd. There’s not much else to say except that I’m too embarrassed to even sell this CD. I’m going to have to throw it away. And I’m too embarrassed to throw it away in my own dumpster, so I’m going to have to see a movie in Evanston and throw it away in the bathroom trash can with all the popcorn, and then comment on it to some passerby, as if to say “Hey, someone dropped a CD in there. Huh.” I hope I don’t get tempted to keep the CD to claim ultimate power, like Frodo’s final test on Mount Doom. Maybe some Evanston movie theater bathroom trash can sewer rat can bite off my finger and grab the CD and slow-motion-fall into the soggy pile of popcorn, finally content to hold The Precious as I sprint back to the car and head back to the Shire, there and back again, the end.

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