Indoor shopping malls

alamanda.jpgI’m just about malled-out. Now I haven’t been inside an actual indoor mall in at least 6-8 months, yet the mere thought of going to a mall right now wears me out. Outlet malls, though? Love outlet malls. They’re outdoors, affordable, free of elevator music and amazingly utilitarian. Plus, shit from The Gap is disposable, so you might as well buy last year’s disposable shit. But indoor malls like the Woodfield Mall or even the Mall of America have run their course. I worked at the Mall of America about 15 years ago (which, sorry to say, cancel that vacation to Bloomington, was sufficiently skanked-out as of 1995), and I once shared our communal affinity for Sam Goody and The Buckle and Waldenbooks, and can still smell the processed aerated air-conditioned blend of Orange Julius and Drakkar Noir. But now? Come on. Paper beats rock, just like online shopping beats Yankee Candle. Next time you’re thinking of hitting an indoor mall, imagine yourself two hours later, wandering around, and what you’ll really be walking away with, and then save yourself the time and gas, order those shoes at Zappos, and settle in for another marathon of Kitchen Nightmares.