I didn’t know they still grand opened Little Caesars.

I thought they just came with places like Lima, Ohio. Don’t they open towns like Richmond, Indiana with a Little Caesars already installed? Incidentally, Little Caesars was my High School job, my friend Mike Winstead worked there and got me in, Mike also once worked in an incense factory. The first time I met Mike he was sitting behind me in first period History class laughing because he had gotten high before class and was reading Pet Cemetary, which, I guess, was pretty funny.

-DSCN2415.JPG

I thought they just came with places like Lima, Ohio. Don’t they open towns like Richmond, Indiana with a Little Caesars already installed? Incidentally, Little Caesars was my High School job, my friend Mike Winstead worked there and got me in, Mike also once worked in an incense factory. The first time I met Mike he was sitting behind me in first period History class laughing because he had gotten high before class and was reading Pet Cemetary, which, I guess, was pretty funny. Mike would later convince me to join the world’s most pathetic Water Polo Team, which for some reason had attracted all the alcoholics and stoners. Yes, I played on a Water Polo team for one game in 1990. I also was on Rowing Crew because I had no respect for all other sports. My manager at Little Caesars got run over by a Volkwagon Bus when he was 18 and has stitches from waist to neck, which is why we called him Zippy. Zippy once moved into the back of the Little Caesars to avoid paying rent for six months. I used to open the store and Zippy would appear like Laszlo from Real Genius, get some food, and go back into the storage room and listen to Led Zeppelin.

-DSCN2871.JPG

Little Caesars is also where I met Jim McWilliams, he of the manual chattering teeth. When I met Jim he was doing a painting for a final in one of his art classes, they had to replicate the style of any era of art. Jim chose the Velvet Era. Jim once tried to live for a month on a brick of velveeta, five bags of white bread and thirty boxes of the 39 cent macaroni & cheese dinners. He got nosebleeds. The Little Caesars once got fined from the Health inspector because they found Jim’s “Cave Caesar” a Little Caesar puppet which Jim had frozen in a brick of ice. My employee ID # at Little Caesars was my Last initial, First initial, Middle initial. W.A.D. Jim has literally never called me “Adam.” Jim and I once made a short film about the world’s most famous pan flutist who’s groupies wore only polyester and drove only Chrysler K Cars. They all died when a cigarette ignited the entire polyester-clad audience. We went through two cans of hairspray shooting it. Now you know.

blog