A baby’s first poop is black and sticky.

justin-julie.jpg

This picture was taken at this weekend’s baby shower. Big thanks to Kate and Katie for throwing it. Yesterday, Julie and I took our day long class at Northwestern on what to expect while having a baby. It’s called Great Expectations. Talk about setting up for failure! It’s one thing to meet expectations, but now they are great? Random observations and lessons learned after the jump.

justin-julie.jpg

This picture was taken at this weekend’s baby shower. Big thanks to Kate and Katie for throwing it. Yesterday, Julie and I took our day long class at Northwestern on what to expect while having a baby. It’s called Great Expectations. Talk about setting up for failure! It’s one thing to meet expectations, but now they are great? Random observations and lessons learned after the jump.


It’s a day long class. It’s super easy because if you take the night classes (3 classes instead of 1 long one) you probably don’t get out early. We got out about an hour earlier than expected. Score one for the all day crowd.

1. All the guys were really touchy-feely with their ladies. I felt like a douche if I didn’t randomly rub Julie’s shoulders while the woman was lecturing.

2. Labor hurts.

3. In the video, I think I spotted an inconsistency. I think I saw the same woman who was telling us about her labor played the 3rd nurse in the background. They must have run out of day players.

4. The class was all white. Maybe 1 hispanic, but borderline. There was an exercise where we had to go to the bin and grab dolls. Everyone grabbed white dolls. The black dolls with the velcro-like hair were not chosen. They just laid in the bin, all lonely. I almost grabbed one, but realized everyone would think I was joking/racist/dipshit.

5. During the breathing exercises, all the pregnant wives get on the floor and spread eagle, or get on hands and knees. Very sexual positions for breathing/labor. All the guys sat in chairs behind and kept their heads and eyes focused on their lady, for fear of checking out other ladies, and subsequently starting a confrontation during class.

6. They tell you not to tell your lady that she pooped while pushing in delivery. It makes her self conscious. Again, I wanted to go with a joke “What about after? Can I tell her then?” But realized It would bomb.

7. I was really tired at the top of the class cause I stayed up super late last night to watch Bernie Mac on Kings Of Comedy (Spike Lee). It was on TBS, so I wanted to see how in the hell they were going to censor.

8. One of the positions that they recommend for labor is “slow dance”, where you slow dance in the hospital room. Wait, that’s how we got here in the first place! DAMN – another one I could have pulled out for the class. Is there room for a stand-up who only does new baby humor? Paging Rob Becker?

9. I wonder if Jack Black or Adam Sandler takes this class when they have a baby? Or can you just pay to have it at your house?

10. This is really one crazy ride. That class taught me a lot. I am now ready and excited to be my new great expectation. Cut. That makes no sense. How about new great adventure? Where do I get my parking validated?

blog