A Few Rules for Outlet Malls

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1.) No Browsing. Get in and get out.


2.) Bring a sandwich unless you’re hungry for stale, germy Chinese food.


3.) “Parfumania” looks like “PerformInk” from a distance. “PerformInk” doesn’t have a store at the Outlet Mall offering discounted updates about who booked what commercial.


4.) You’ll run into 32nd Ward Alderman Scott Waugespack in Calvin Klein. Tell him thanks for being a part of the Schadenfreude Rent Party and congrats on being an Alderman and isn’t that a nice zipper sweater over there.


5.) Throw store greeters off guard by calling them “Pally” when you walk in.


LACOSTE GUY

Welcome to LaCoste, Chief.


YOU

Hey there, Pally.

12383536_0bc7d51e1c.jpg

1.) No Browsing. Get in and get out.


2.) Bring a sandwich unless you’re hungry for stale, germy Chinese food.


3.) “Parfumania” looks like “PerformInk” from a distance. “PerformInk” doesn’t have a store at the Outlet Mall offering discounted updates about who booked what commercial.


4.) You’ll run into 32nd Ward Alderman Scott Waugespack in Calvin Klein. Tell him thanks for being a part of the Schadenfreude Rent Party and congrats on being an Alderman and isn’t that a nice zipper sweater over there.


5.) Throw store greeters off guard by calling them “Pally” when you walk in.


LACOSTE GUY

Welcome to LaCoste, Chief.


YOU

Hey there, Pally.

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