Your eyes aren’t deceiving you, it’s Short-Haired Chick Friday

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It’s back, America’s favorite semi-weekly, sometimes-on-Friday running joke! Started two years ago when Natalie Portman cut her hair for V For Vendetta this column strives once again to bring you the best and the brightest hot chicks who aren’t afraid to take it all off. This week we feature High School masturbation fodder SAMANTHA MATHIS. I remember a time, a time and movie. A movie that was perfectly timed to hit a young misunderstood Adam Witt right in the heart. I was in High School, I had yet to find love, and I someday dreamed of entertaining millions (and still do). At exactly the right time along came the story of another misunderstood boy who in reality was a very well paid actor who could screw any girl he liked. His name was “Happy Harry Hard-On”, by day, a Clark Kentish nerd, new to the school (as I was new to my school at the time), feeling out of place (try starting a new high school Sophmore year), a recluse. By night, he ran a pirate radio station that caused other rebellious teens to gather in a football field to hear his voice. Damn what a great movie.

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It’s back, America’s favorite semi-weekly, sometimes-on-Friday running joke! Started two years ago when Natalie Portman cut her hair for V For Vendetta this column strives once again to bring you the best and the brightest hot chicks who aren’t afraid to take it all off. This week we feature High School masturbation fodder SAMANTHA MATHIS. I remember a time, a time and movie. A movie that was perfectly timed to hit a young misunderstood Adam Witt right in the heart. I was in High School, I had yet to find love, and I someday dreamed of entertaining millions (and still do). At exactly the right time along came the story of another misunderstood boy who in reality was a very well paid actor who could screw any girl he liked. His name was “Happy Harry Hard-On”, by day, a Clark Kentish nerd, new to the school (as I was new to my school at the time), feeling out of place (try starting a new high school Sophmore year), a recluse. By night, he ran a pirate radio station that caused other rebellious teens to gather in a football field to hear his voice. Damn what a great movie.

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I do not consider it embarrassing that this was my generation’s Rebel Without A Cause, and oh was it ever (for me). It had such a rebellious spirit, there was such a hold-your-fist-high and shout quality to it. He read Lenny Bruce, all these kids loved who Christian Slater was on the radio but ignored him at school and he played all alterna-hits, which thanks to Oxford, Oh’s 97x (the future of rock & roll) I was just then being exposed to as well (I used to trade Little Caesar’s pizza’s with the overnight guy for requests, can I hear Daisy Chainsaw and what do you want on the second one?).

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The final chase scene was to my favorite song at the time “Livin’ In The Fast Lane” by Urban Dance Squad which I had just seen in concert. It was all so damn perfect. Happy Harry used to read on the steps of the school which I started doing (and sure enough chicks thought it was reclusive-hot when I did it too). Oh yeah, the chicks, that’s what this whole love letter’s about, and he had this rockin-ass alterna chick, Samantha Mathis, she was all spunky and outgoing and he wasn’t, and she really got him without knowing he was Superman. She wasn’t like the other chicks, she was way hotter.

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I forget what else happened, I think someone cuts off their hair and someone else microwaves some pots, and some kid doesn’t commit suicide. All I know is that you got to see Samantha Mathis’ tits. I haven’t shown nudity on SHCF in a while, but I’m afraid it was such a monumental nude scene I’m just going to have to do it.

In three…

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…two….

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…one…

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Eat your cereal with a fork and do your homework in the dark.

Talk hard.

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