BREAKING: Alternative Tennis Surfaces

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Yesterday, French Open champ Rafael Nadal beat Wimbledon victor Roger Federer 7-5, 4-6, 7-6 (10) in an exhibition match featuring a dual-surface grass/clay tennis court.


After a few calls to the U.S. Tennis Assocation, I was able to get my hands on an inter-office memo outlining a few rejected dual-surface courts that were under consideration for this worthy charitable cause. Here they are in this NO BULLSHIT, BREAKING, SCOOPSVILLE EXPLOSIVE EXCLUSIVE!


———————————————————–

TO: U.S.T.A. Staff

FROM: Ted

RE: Rejected Dual Surface Options

———————————————————–

The board’s made a decision.

After careful deliberation, we decided not to go with Concrete/Asphalt or the recent Toast/Pubes frontrunner. Because both players have won on clay and grass, it’s only fitting that we create a clay/grass dual surface court. Yes, Marcia, the One Big Snowboard/Afghan Rug was a long shot — and even my own personal contribution, the Everyone’s Car Floormats/Dave’s Post-It’s combination was waved off.


Thanks to everyone for the effort. T.


TED EBERHART, Vice President
“Get up, a get get down — 911 is a joke in your town.”
—-
MAYA ANGELOU

6767678_36_3.jpg

Yesterday, French Open champ Rafael Nadal beat Wimbledon victor Roger Federer 7-5, 4-6, 7-6 (10) in an exhibition match featuring a dual-surface grass/clay tennis court.


After a few calls to the U.S. Tennis Assocation, I was able to get my hands on an inter-office memo outlining a few rejected dual-surface courts that were under consideration for this worthy charitable cause. Here they are in this NO BULLSHIT, BREAKING, SCOOPSVILLE EXPLOSIVE EXCLUSIVE!


———————————————————–

TO: U.S.T.A. Staff

FROM: Ted

RE: Rejected Dual Surface Options

———————————————————–

The board’s made a decision.

After careful deliberation, we decided not to go with Concrete/Asphalt or the recent Toast/Pubes frontrunner. Because both players have won on clay and grass, it’s only fitting that we create a clay/grass dual surface court. Yes, Marcia, the One Big Snowboard/Afghan Rug was a long shot — and even my own personal contribution, the Everyone’s Car Floormats/Dave’s Post-It’s combination was waved off.


Thanks to everyone for the effort. T.


TED EBERHART, Vice President
“Get up, a get get down — 911 is a joke in your town.”
—-
MAYA ANGELOU

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