Tuesday 24 Wrap Up – Midnight – 2 AM

Wow. In all of TV history, I don’t think there’s been a less believeable kiss than the one between VP Ole Dirty Bastard and Blondie. I mean REALLY.

So yeah. Fox does it every once in awhile, so why can’t I? I’m giving you two hours for the price of one! Ok, not really – all you need to know from last week’s episode is that women will do anything to save their own skin. Bill Buchannan is whipped to a degree that would enrage my father-in-law, and contrary to popular belief, blondes aren’t more fun. And if you want to bed one, be the new Acting Prez, and whisper in her ear, “I’m the leader of the Free World, millions of lives are on the line, and all I can think of is you.” When your done washing the taste of vomit out of your mouth – hit the jump. We’re done with last week, it’s onto this week, where we learn that you should pay attention to details about your wife/girlfriend if you ever need to bring her out of a psychological state to get info to locate the Chinese. And more than just her birthday. Not much more, but just a little more.

You want more?

Bloomfield after the jump.

Wow. In all of TV history, I don’t think there’s been a less believeable kiss than the one between VP Ole Dirty Bastard and Blondie. I mean REALLY.

So yeah. Fox does it every once in awhile, so why can’t I? I’m giving you two hours for the price of one! Ok, not really – all you need to know from last week’s episode is that women will do anything to save their own skin. Bill Buchannan is whipped to a degree that would enrage my father-in-law, and contrary to popular belief, blondes aren’t more fun. And if you want to bed one, be the new Acting Prez, and whisper in her ear, “I’m the leader of the Free World, millions of lives are on the line, and all I can think of is you.” When your done washing the taste of vomit out of your mouth – hit the jump. We’re done with last week, it’s onto this week, where we learn that you should pay attention to details about your wife/girlfriend if you ever need to bring her out of a psychological state to get info to locate the Chinese. And more than just her birthday. Not much more, but just a little more.

You want more?

Bloomfield after the jump.

Wow. In all of TV history, I don’t think there’s been a less believeable kiss than the one between VP Ole Dirty Bastard and Blondie. I mean REALLY.

So yeah. Fox does it every once in awhile, so why can’t I? I’m giving you two hours for the price of one! Ok, not really – all you need to know from last week’s episode is that women will do anything to save their own skin. Bill Buchannan is whipped to a degree that would enrage my father-in-law, and contrary to popular belief, blondes aren’t more fun. And if you want to bed one, be the new Acting Prez, and whisper in her ear, “I’m the leader of the Free World, millions of lives are on the line, and all I can think of is you.” When your done washing the taste of vomit out of your mouth – hit the jump. We’re done with last week, it’s onto this week, where we learn that you should pay attention to details about your wife/girlfriend if you ever need to bring her out of a psychological state to get info to locate the Chinese. And more than just her birthday. Not much more, but just a little more

Nadia takes over, eh? Someone’s bucking to try and make this a women’s lib show. I guess for every shot of a woman drugged, tortured and catatonic, there’s got to be a shot of a woman in charge, not drugged, but catatonic. Odd how when Nadia tries to put on the big boy’s pants – she only succeeds (notice the uplifting “A Very Special 24” music) after getting the approval from “Little” Ricky Schroeder. *Sigh*

So on top of that, it was important for all of America to know that Audrey was injected over a 100 times in her arms, legs… and groin. Wha-? Groin? Really? Necessary? I don’t really know what happened for the next three minutes, because I was trying to picture EXACTLY what he meant by that. And not in a porno way – in a “was it absolutely necessary for me to hear that to know that she was tortured?” Oh well – there’s always Jack to save you if your name is Audrey Raines.

If I’m not mistaken, they put cameras in the holding rooms in CTU. If not, they should. And maybe hire someone to watch those cameras. Just a thought. No real reason, other than weak plot point to allow Jack to “escape” by putting Ricky to sleep, and then punching the guard out. And is it just me, or would you also put the guard you just knocked out into the room? Just a thought.

And in case anyone is wondering – it’s a “FB Circuit Board.” Apparently, this little device is the key to the ENTIRE RUSSIAN NETWORK. And of course, when the Russians are threatened, the most logical step is to have them attack the U.S. Because if they’re going to go down, they might as well start World War III, right? If anyone elects me, I’d just make a pre-emptive attack on China. Those guys are assholes. I’d turn mainland China into a glass parking lot. Fuck ’em. They stole Jack Bauer – and he fucking saved my life. And yes, EVERYONE knows who Jack is – so crazy psychiatrist doctor who tramples Nadia – of course you should know who he is – you don’t even need a freakin’ file. He’s Jack. Period.

Also – it’s 1 AM. Everyone in this show has been awake, showered, dressed and had their coffee and bagel with vegetable cream cheese BEFORE the show officially started. Everyone’s been running around like crazy, having crazy kisses in the hallway (SLAM Milo!!), enabling nuclear devices for terrorists (SLAM Chloe!!), getting fired by their wife (SLAM Bill!!), discovering the woman he loved who he thought was dead was really stolen by the Chinese, tortured and psychologically irrevocably damaged (SLAM Jack!!) and decoding Multi-Hex free-Zero cell tower scrambles (SLAM CTU Decoding agent that sits next to Milo!!) – and every single one of them looks freshly out of the makeup trailer and showing up on set fresh as a bunny. Hey? how ’bout just a little bag under the eye, huh? Something that’s vaguely real? I mean, it’s too late now, you’re running into the last three hours, and you need everyone bringing their “A” game – so it’s too late. But next year, how ’bout you do something between like 11 PM and 1 AM? Cool? Thanks.

Anyone know where Jack’s Dad is? I do. This Sunday he’s gonna be giving the commencement address to the graudating Professional Theatre Training Program (my wife’s program – from which SHE is a soon-to-be graduate – No Big Deal). After the address, I’m gonna ask him where the heck he went to, ‘cuz I need to know. If my Dad killed my brother, and threatened to kill my son nephew, I’d be a little interested as to what happened to him. I guess that just means I’d make a good dad.

And I can’t tell if I do or don’t like Powers Boothe. He came off like a huge asshole, but now – he admitted to having the rendez-vous with blondie. And was he sincere when he told Karen, “Hey, thanks for firing your husband. I appreciate it.”?

There’s only three hours left, Jack gets out of “holding”, the Chinese are the “Big Bad” and former Secretary of Defense Heller hates Jack. Because “Jack, everything you touch dies.” Ouch. I’m glad Sheila’s dad never said that to me. And hopefully we learn the truth about Jack’s nephew/son. Let’s just hope when Jack takes out the bad Chinese guy – it’s as cool as when he took out the terrorists 3 hours ago.

That was awesome. Six guys, one gun and a big freakin’ chain. That’s the way Jack does damage. One-on-one.

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