Cheung Imitates Craig

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Don’t know if you know this sketch or not, but Schadenfreude has a sketch in which an angry High Schooler (Craig “Stick” Beatty) is forced to write a play for an assignment, the winner will have their play performed in front of the whole school at assembly. Craig’s play wins and Christopher Chriss, Danny Fine, and Kathryn Collaton Zeta-McCaulay-Culkin-D’arcy-James perform Craig’s play, which we find out is called Dumb Play I Had To Do. In it are such gem lines from Craig’s POV as.

Rad gets out my face and Craig lock’s his locker and
starts headin’ to the first stupid class I gotta go
to. And then he walks past some big stupid jock
dickhead who has to shoot his goddamn mouth off.

BIG JOCK DICKHEAD WHO HAS TO
SHOOT HIS GODDAMN MOUTH OFF

Watch where you’re walkin’ I
hate you skateboarders because
you’re different.

CRAIG

I hate you football players.

So lo an behold some media-craving asshole somehow got the message if you kill a bunch of people the media will put your picture all over the place and Michelle Malkin will get an opinion on you. But the most fascinating the thing I’ve seen about this is Anna Nicole’s…sorry, Cho Seung-Hui’s (the killer who should’ve changed his name to something that rolls off the tongue if he wanted publicity) college PLAYS he wrote. Ah College plays, I wish all killers had college plays I could read. But I noticed a striking similarity between Cho and Craig…

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Don’t know if you know this sketch or not, but Schadenfreude has a sketch in which an angry High Schooler (Craig “Stick” Beatty) is forced to write a play for an assignment, the winner will have their play performed in front of the whole school at assembly. Craig’s play wins and Christopher Chriss, Danny Fine, and Kathryn Collaton Zeta-McCaulay-Culkin-D’arcy-James perform Craig’s play, which we find out is called Dumb Play I Had To Do. In it are such gem lines from Craig’s POV as.

Rad gets out my face and Craig lock’s his locker and
starts headin’ to the first stupid class I gotta go
to. And then he walks past some big stupid jock
dickhead who has to shoot his goddamn mouth off.

BIG JOCK DICKHEAD WHO HAS TO
SHOOT HIS GODDAMN MOUTH OFF

Watch where you’re walkin’ I
hate you skateboarders because
you’re different.

CRAIG

I hate you football players.

So lo an behold some media-craving asshole somehow got the message if you kill a bunch of people the media will put your picture all over the place and Michelle Malkin will get an opinion on you. But the most fascinating the thing I’ve seen about this is Anna Nicole’s…sorry, Cho Seung-Hui’s (the killer who should’ve changed his name to something that rolls off the tongue if he wanted publicity) college PLAYS he wrote. Ah College plays, I wish all killers had college plays I could read. But I noticed a striking similarity between Cho and Craig…

Cho:

0417071vtech3.gif

Craig:

NUMBER THREE SCENE

SETTING: MY NEW DAD’S BULLSHIT HOUSE

New Dad’s watching ESPN2 and drinking his prissy drink. I try
an go out the door to my party like I’m entitled to. But of
course not. Because everything’s gotta be a fuckin’ hassle!

NEW DAD
Where you goin’ young man?

CRAIG
I’m goin’ to a party, I suppose
you’re old and got a problem with
that?

NEW DAD
Watch your mouth you little
asshole. I only put up with you so
I can fuck your Mom.

CRAIG
I’m outta here.

NEW DAD
Hey!

Craig books.

NEW DAD (CONT’D)
If only I gave enough of a shit I’d
chase after him, but I’m so tired
from being drunk in the afternoon.
Craig’s right about me, I am such a
big fag loser.

I’m putting craig on 24 hour watch. By the way, Cho’s plays are largely about being raped as a child with many references to priests. I’m no psychologist but…

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some plays by Terry Nichols to try and track down online.

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